Carrots, Anyone?

10 minute miles!!

2008-11-23T21:24:00.003-05:00

So today I ran 45 minutes at 5.7mph (vs. 5.3mph last time). I went up to 6.3mph for 5 min or so before I dropped my ipod on the treadmill and had to stop briefly to get it. Lost my momentum, so went back to 5.7 mph for the rest.

BUT, running at a slightly faster pace was great - it made me less tired. I was talking to my boss about that - about how running faster made me less tired, and he said that sometimes running slower than you're able can tire you out - ostensibly because you're using more muscles to slow down your natural pace. Anyway, it felt great. Even while I was putting on my clothes for the gym, I was mentally trying to talk myself out of going. I'm glad I went!

I weighed myself after...I was at 224.2 lbs. Took a shower, weighed myself again and was 224.8lbs. So I'm somewhere between the two which is better than the 226 I was finding myself at over the last couple of weeks.

Had enough energy for some serious grocery shopping - $160!! I think at least $60 of it was for dessert yummies like my famous chocolate chip strawberry cheesecake (with graham cracker crust). All home made and all yummy! I tried a slight change to my recipe - adding heavy cream and sour cream to make it creamier. I have to say, it smells AWESOME!! Can't wait to try some tomorrow,

America's 15 Least Healthy Places...

2008-11-18T21:57:00.003-05:00

...reposted from the daily green http://www.thedailygreen.com/environmental-news/latest/least-healthy-us-cities-47111705

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released a massive report that assesses the health of the U.S. population according to a number of measures — from leisure time physical activity to smoking rates and incidence of heart disease.

The part of the report getting the most press attention is how various communities see themselves. The survey, from 2006, asked people to assess their own health. This is the list of communities (listed by metropolitan statistical area, a Census designation that lumps some suburban areas in with their cities, lumps nearby cities together, or otherwise categorizes regions) that had the most people rate their health "poor" or "fair" (as opposed to "good" or "great"). The percentage of the population that rated their health "poor" or "fair" is noted along with each community.

Not surprisingly, many of the least healthy communities are also among those that get the least exercise. Those communities on both lists are highlighted in bold.

Huntington-Ashland, W.Va.-Ky.-Ohio (24.3)
Charleston, W.Va. (23.6)
Los Angeles-Long Beach-Glendale, Calif. (23.5)
Hickory-Morgantown-Lenoir, N.C. (22.3)
El Paso, Texas (21.7)
Yakima, Wash. (21.1)
Las Cruces, N.M. (20.3)
Riverside-San Bernardino-Ontario, Calif. (20.1)
Yuma, Ariz. (20.0)
San Antonio, Texas (19.9)
Birmingham-Hoover, Ala. (19.8)
Las Vegas-Paradis, Nev. (19.3)
Atlantic City, N.J. (19.3)
Tulsa, Okla. (19.2)
Scottsbluff, Neb. (19.0)

It is probably no coincidence that some of the communities known for their outdoors recreation — Burlington, Colorado Springs, St. Paul and others — are among the healthiest places to live. Getting outside and enjoying open spaces is one key ingredient to health. Neither is it surprising that many of these communities are actual cities, rather than suburbs, where driving is more common than walking.

America's 15 Healthiest Places...

2008-11-18T21:57:00.001-05:00

Reposted from the daily green http://www.thedailygreen.com/environmental-news/latest/healthiest-us-cities-47111704

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently released a massive report that assesses the health of the U.S. population according to a number of measures — from leisure time physical activity to smoking rates and incidence of heart disease.

The part of the report getting the most press attention is how various communities see themselves. The survey, from 2006, asked people to assess their own health. This is the list of communities (listed by metropolitan statistical area, a Census designation that lumps some suburban areas in with their cities, lumps nearby cities together, or otherwise categorizes regions) that had the most people rate their health "good" or "great" (as opposed to "fair" or "poor"). The percentage of the population that rated their health "good" or "great" is noted along with each community.

Not surprisingly, many of the healthiest places are also among the 20 U.S. Communities That Exercise the Most. Those communities on both lists are highlighted in bold.

Burlington-South Burlington, Vt. (91.8)
Sioux Falls, S.D. (91.2)
Minneapolis-St. Paul-Bloomington, Minn.-Wis. (90.6)
Barre, Vt (90.5)
Lincoln, Neb. (90.5)
Virginia Beach-Norfolk-Newport News, Va.-N.C. (90.3)
Colorado Springs, Colo. (90.2)
Akron, Ohio (90.1)
Austin-Round Rock, Texas (89.9)
Bethesda-Gaithersburg-Frederick, Md. (89.8)
Cambridge-Newton-Framingham, Mass. (89.7)
Hartford-West Hartford-East Hartford, Conn. (89.6)
Manchester-Nashua, N.H. (89.4)
Des Moines-West Des Moines, Iowa (89.4)
Denver-Aurora, Colo. (89.3)
Concord, N.H. (89.2)
Rockingham County-Strafford County, N.H. (89.2)
Lebanon, N.H.-Vt. (89.2)
Bridgeport-Stamford-Norwalk, Conn. (89.1)
Kalispell, Montana (89.0)

It is probably no coincidence that some of the communities known for their outdoors recreation — Burlington, Colorado Springs, St. Paul and others — are among the healthiest places to live. Getting outside and enjoying open spaces is one key ingredient to health. Neither is it surprising that many of these communities are actual cities, rather than suburbs, where driving is more common than walking.

12 minute miles, baby!

2008-11-18T19:46:00.002-05:00

So today I decided to try something a little different at the gym. First off, I'm glad I went - it was a huge mental hurdle to get over, cuz I was NOT crazy about running. But it felt great when I was doing it!

SO, today I decided to run at 5.3 mph as opposed to 5.0 like I usually do. I did that for 33 minutes, then decided to sprint for 5 minutes -so I upped the speed to 6.0 and ended up running not just 5 minutes, but the entire remaining 12 minutes. And I wasn't exhausted! It actually felt better to run faster - like I wasn't holding myself back! So that felt great, and I burned 720ish calories, and ran 4.2ish miles vs. 3.2. So yay for me! I sweat like a mo-fo tho, lemme tell ya! I bought these short biker shorts that were totally worth the $3 each - they keep me cool b/c the gym gets really REALLY hot and stinky with beefy muscle man sweat. :)

trudging along...

2008-11-17T21:42:00.002-05:00

PROS: I'm now running a TWELVE minute mile!! This time last year, around when I first started running, I was at an eighteen to nineteen minute mile. The fact that I'm down to 12, and can also now run THE ENTIRE 45 MINUTE TIME PERIOD is awesome! When I started running in the beginning of August, I would do 10 minutes running, 5 minutes walking...x3 (with the running set at 4.5 mph for the first 10, 5.0 for the second, and 5.5 for the third). Now I'm running 5.0mph the entire time. And I'm not exhausted! I go thru spurts of being pooped, but most of the time, I'm just staring out the window of the gym completely lost in thought.

CONS: I've been slacking these past couple of weeks (Month?). Chalk it up to season changes...daylight savings...uber stress at work...any way you slice it, I've been much less active in November. actually since mid- to late October. And when I get less active, I CRAVE the junk - chips, chocolate, soda...and lots of it. When I run, I don't crave the junk. When I don't run, I NEED the junk. I'm trying to keep myself going so I don't fall back into bad habits. I'm already back up to 226.8 from 219ish in early October/late September.

BUT, I did go to the gym tonite. I was supposed to do weights, but I think I did too much weight for too many reps on Friday, and tweaked my neck/lower back. Thought it'd be better to just stay on the treadmill and walk/do light jogging (so I don't get shin splints from running too many days in a row since I went yesterday and will go again tomorrow). It was more important for me to just keep in the habit of going consistently M-R. So I went, walked for 20 minutes, jogged for 13 min, cooled down for 5 and called it a nite.

Onward and upwards!

woo hoo!

2008-11-03T21:38:00.001-05:00

went to the gym w/ T today ,and it was great. Had a fro which made it more fun ;)

Seriously tho, I'm glad we went today. Tomorrow is my day to run - oh, and VOTE!!! I shall find time for both.

I DID IT!!!!!

2008-11-02T15:18:00.002-05:00

I ran my FIRST EVER 5K RACE!!!! And it was great! Yes, I was the slowest person in my department, and almost the slowest in the whole 5k race, coming in pretty near to last place I'm sure, BUT I finished. I finished in roughly 37-38 minutes (I'll find out the official time tomorrow), which is 5 minutes better than my time on the treadmill. NICE!!!

I was really insecure about being the fatty in the back, but I was able to put that aside for most of the time...for sure it came back in spurts when I would have to cross a street in front of people, or when I was running by stopped traffic, but for the most part, I just focused on running and keeping my pace steady...slowing down when I felt myself rushing to 'look normal' (or when I jogged up that insanely steep hill).

btw, I will never take cheerers for granted- they lifted my spirit every time I passed one! And the water - I will never pass a water station without getting water again - I did that at the second water station so I wouldn't lose my rhythm I was settling into, but man, I really needed that water!

so YAY FOR ME!!!! #481....

last day...

2008-10-30T19:19:00.002-04:00

...of putting work first this week. I hope. Two letters to write tonite, so no gym, but going to run tomorrow, 45 minutes, and going to do weights saturday, 45 minutes, to ramp me up for sunday's run. I'm still petrified especially with how inactive I've been this week, but I just have to tell myself I CAN do it - I've run three miles at least 24 times since August, so I know I can do it. My goal for the 5K on sunday has to be FINISHING - NOT keeping up with everyone else. Cuz if I try that, I won't finish in the way I want to - running, with my pride intact :)

P.S.

2008-10-29T22:08:00.001-04:00

I weighed myself at the gym - I'm at 223.6, not 225/226 like I feared. So I put 4 lbs back on in the past month, which I'm not alarmed at. I was expecting more with my eating habits being what they've been lately and being sick / going to the gym less.

I cannot wait until this hell week is over so I can go back to my gym routine and not be bogged at work. Good lesson not to procrastinate at work. It's not worth fucking up my health over that's for sure.

hmmm

2008-10-29T22:01:00.003-04:00

the good parts of today, are that I got more of my work done than I had set out to do. I have 20 letters I have to write by Friday. Since Sunday, I've busted my ass and written 14. Fourteen. Four-teen. 14 fucking letters. I've got 6 left and am happy that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Cuz this is exhausting! Each one takes me roughly an hour, so I've had an extra 3.5 hours of work every day basically since Sunday night. I cannot wait until this week is over!

So, mostly due to this added work, my workout schedule has been thrown off. I went to the gym Monday nite, but decided to catch up on much-needed sleep last night instead of doing weights @ the gym. Today, after two extra hours at work (cranked out three in two hours, YES!), I decided to go shopping with T to unwind instead of running @ the gym. I just couldn't take it physically. Plus, I needed to go shopping because of that mouse that's running around my apartment and the draft blowing in the windows. Got me some mouse traps (eek!) and Mor-Tite (putty-like caulking to go around the window cracks). It's a breezy 55 degrees in my apt tonite, and I am going to snuggle down DEEP into my blankets! The putty caulking will have to wait til I have time this weekend. Hopefully I won't turn into a popsicle then!

I haven't been good about vegetables today...I had a buttload of potatos and sweet potatos and chinese food...and tea. Shit that sounds like a shit day today eating-wise. I'll bring a head of lettuce to work with me tomorrow. Gotta keep the rabbit in me going!

frickity frack

2008-10-28T23:01:00.003-04:00

friggin tired...was hoping to go to the gym to do weights today, but came home and slept for 3.5 hours. Trying to catch up on sleep since work has been so insane. Did a couple more hours of work tonite after I woke up. Just have to get through this week. So, trying not to beat myself up too much and trying not to pus myself too much to keep to my workout routine, as I have to be flexible, and I have to be smart about not overextending myself and risking exhaustion, getting more sick (recovering from bronchitis) or risking injury (tired muscles...felt twinges similar to that of my shin splints yesterday when I ran). need to be careful.

finally ate a healthy serving of vegetables today for the first time in a while (by healthy, I mean at least a cup to a cup and a half in one sitting, of cukes and carrots drizzled in oil and vinegar. mmmmmmmmm. made my body feel better, and my mind more at ease that I had a healthy snack (instead of chocolate) despite the fact that i wasn't able to exercise.

btw, DAMN COLD in my apt - the windows are drafty as hell - I need to buy some damn curtains.

wow, my mouth is terrible when I'm tired. excuse all the near-expletives.

hope your days are going well!

yay me!

2008-10-27T23:32:00.002-04:00

SO, in preparation for running my FIRST EVER (did I say, FIRST EVER?!!!!!) 5k run on Sunday, I decided to gear up again since it's been a while since I've (a) been back to the gym, and (b) been on a proper run. I think I've run maybe once in the past week and a half instead of the 2x-3x a week (plus 3x/wk weights)

So, this week, I've decided that this is going to be my schedule (the days are usually swapped run/weights):

MON - 45 min run
TUES - 45 min weights
WED - 45 min run
THURS - 45 min weights
FRI - 45 min run
SAT - 45 min weights
SUN - my (FIRST EVER!!!!!) 5k run

So tonite I went for my 45 minute run...did 3.2 miles (about a 13 minute mile - nice! I started out doing 19 minute miles in the summer of 2007 with a max of 2.5 miles, so i've made an improvement!) I was so stressed out today because of work (pulled a 11.5 hour work day with another long one coming up tomorrow and the rest of the week), that I just zoned out when I ran, and didn't even look at how much time was left until I only had 5 minutes left. I love that there's an upstairs to my gym where the machines look out over the parking lot, not the tvs and weights. I find those so distracting, and they keep me focused on how much (or little) time has passed. Staring in the parking lot, I can lose myself in thought (which I did today, had a LOT to unwind from), and time just blew by.

So go me...wish me continued luck and efforts. I really need it, and it felt SO GOOD to run today even though I was exhausted from work. Much better than if I had just come home at 7:30pm and chilled out and slept.

Where've I been?!!

2008-10-26T21:38:00.003-04:00

So after hearing from both T and S that they've checked out my blog recently only to see that I haven't posted in MONTHS, I decided to get back on and start up again...hopefully keeping more consistent!

SO, updates:

* I got myself down to 119.8 lbs a month or so ago

* I'm currently back up at 225ish, due to stress, boys, crazy work schedule, winter, and chocolate

* I'm running my FIRST EVER 5k race this upcoming weekend. I'm petrified I'm going to suck

* that said, I HAVE been running 3 miles several times a week since the summer so I'm feeling pretty prepared.

* I'm just feeling vulnerable b/c I've only jogged once in the past week and half due to all of the aforementioned issues

* some boys are stupid. and they make me stupid. just had to say that

* some boys are SWEET, and FUNNY and SMART and they make me like them. a lot

* I'm sad I'm not in a place to be in a relationship, not matter how nice the boy. I am enjoying - and really needing - my freedom

* mad that I'm not more active than I was before, because I was feeling REALLY good when I was going to the gym consistently, and looking great

* trying to cut myself a break b/c I've been getting used to dating (totally new for me), the crazy schedule of work, a weekly class, stress with the ex, and work drama.

* don't know why i'm writing in bullets. seems less daunting than paragraphs

* have bronchitis. that sucks balls.

* have a mouse in my apt - ran by me twice today. that sucks balls even worse.

* going to watch tv now...stressed and trying to unwind.

* please keep on my ass about keeping active - I'm trying to keep on myself but it's hard when there's so much else going on.

228.6 lbs!!!

2008-06-26T15:21:00.001-04:00

I'm down another 2ish pounds since I last wrote! I can't remember the last time I've been in the 220's....probably high school. Well, I did get to it in college, but that was with diet pills.

So this feels great, and a lot of my loose clothing are falling off me now. here's to keepin' on keepin' on!

mini golf...

2008-06-22T18:34:00.002-04:00

...is a good propeller for being active. I visited w/ a friend from college who i haven't seen in a couple years, and we did mini golf and ice cream (and a hot dog...mmmm). So I decided when I got home that I wanted to continue being outside and take advantage of the slightly cooler weather (due to the thunder storm), so I went out for a run. I only did half what I typically do (1 mile vs 2), but that was the most I felt I could do. I'm proud that I went out and did it...at least it's 1 mile not none. I just want to keep keeping active no matter how small...it'll build up from there. so yay!

18 lbs down!!!

2008-06-21T21:56:00.003-04:00

I just weighed myself today and I'm at 231!! I started at 249.5 back in mid/late February...so I've lost 18 lbs in 4 months. I'm feeling pretty great about it - especially since I'm down a size (size 16s baby!). T and I made a pact that we would make it a goal for me to get down into the 'teens' (219 or under) by Labor day, and she down to the 205 range. Keep your fingers crossed for us - we're both doing great!

running by the ocean...

2008-06-20T22:50:00.002-04:00

...is amazing for the soul! I was in Newport, RI this past week and went sailing Tues-Fri....managed to go running twice. I did 2 miles both times (yay!) but took a 30 - 90 min. break at the half way point, just sitting on the rocks and looking out. SO, not hardcore running, but I did hardcore for two-15 minute sets of time :)

The cool thing is I can feel my boobs and my stomach getting smaller. Like when I draw my knees up to my chest to curl up and read a book (or, OK, more realistically, to tool around on my laptop), I can curl up a l'il tighter. So, good times...I was down 12 lbs a couple weeks back from my starting weight in February (and that was on a full stomach), so I'm hoping that I'm even less now...maybe down 15lbs total. That would be fab! I feel like when I go running or am active and out in the sun a lot, my appetite is much less - I'll eat 1/2 - 1 cup of food at a meal....and I crave light stuff....so it feels good all the way around. Hope your day's been going well!

health

2008-04-18T00:58:00.003-04:00

just got out of 11 hrs in the ER because I've been nauseous / sick the past three days after three weeks of weird symptoms. several blood tests, an EKG, chest XRay, and nuclear 'xray' where I breathed in radioactive gas, and took in radioactive fluid intraveinously to see if there were any blood clots in my lungs. happy to say i'm fine, but exhausted. I've been out sick from school since Tuesday. Well, went home early Tuesday (12:30pm), didn't come in yesterday, and made it to 10:30am today before almost passing out in the nurses office where I slept for the next hour and a half before I left to go to my doctor - who had apparently left for the weekend and was not returning til monday - so I went to the ER at the town hospital. and i'm going to a funeral tomorrow on top of it all. will update later, but need sleep.

Org

2008-04-14T22:46:00.002-04:00

YAYS
* although I lost only 5 lbs so far since I've started, my body feels like it's 15 lbs lighter because it's so toned. I'll take the less poundage lost for the physical benefits I've gotten.

* I've figured out an easy solution to my shin splint issue: I'm going to purchase a one (or perhaps two or three) month pass to a YMCA, and use their pool to do my swimming so that I can keep active. I'm looking forward to this, particularly since I was able to do so many laps (granted in a smaller pool) after not having swum in several years.

BOOS
* I think I'm coming down with something. I started getting a scratchy throat on Friday, but it went away, but now it's back with (I think) allergy headaches and nausea. Ugh. I am aiming to go to TG tomorrow anyway and do the bike (since I still have my shin splints).

Conference Lifestyle

2008-04-11T16:17:00.000-04:00

Wed: I swam 20 laps! and enjoyed the hot tub. At 7pm.

Thurs: I danced for an hour or so - sweat right through my jeans!

Fri: Nothing so far....there's still time! (OK, not really planning on doing anything). I'm still at the conference, and will be in a meeting from 4:30 - 7, then driving 1.5 hrs back home.

So, at least I've been active the last few days.

Plus:
I had a grapefruit each day, and ate two salads yesterday, and a soup and salad today. It was nice to have real food after the junk I'd been eating since Tuesday.

Minus:
I also had a big bag of doritos between yesterday and the day before. And at least 5 or 6 reeses peanut butter cup cookies.

Hope your days are going well - I'm off to my meeting!

Day 2 of Inactivity

2008-04-08T22:08:00.000-04:00

And I overate again. And didn't do any activity. Mmmmm, not feelin proud, but tomorrow thru Friday I'm off to a conference, and I'm bringing my swimsuit so I can do laps at the pool there. I hope and am optimistic that I'll keep up.

That and I saw Biggest Loser tonite, and it was kind of inspirational.

My shin splints are feeling moderately better. I've iced and elevated them 3 times since I got home (go R.I.C.E.!) so I guess the swelling's down, but I tell ya, it's scary to have them hurt when I walk. It just hurt in my shins on Sunday/Monday, but today they hurt all the way up to my knees, and that made me nervous. Tack on top of that some weird eye issues that's preventing me from being able to wear contacts, and ripping my nail so that my finger tip bled, it's not been a great overall week...

Onward and upward... :) I need hugs and kicks in the butt!

Well, it's Official...

2008-04-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

...I have shin splints. DURG! OK, as official as asking my boss, who is a runner. My shins have hurt since I came back from my run last nite. The pain hasn't dissipated today. It's uncomfortable walking - I get twinges of pain. SO, no more running for the next 3-5 days. Biking, elliptical, and swimming only. And it's aggravating because I feel like when I fractured the top of my foot last year - like I'm going to lose momentum. I didn't do anything today (I had an eye appt after work, and then came home in time to cook dinner and relax).

The good thing about today, is that I felt full eating all my calories, and I was happy. Full as in satisfied. I did overeat tonite - I made two small burritos although I could have just had one (or really, half of one) and been fine (because I started off with a salad). So, I feel like I did two wrongs tonite and that makes me not happy. I'll focus on tomorrow and try to reign myself in.

Good news: I don't have to suck in my belly to fit into and wear my jeans from LB! They've typically been too tight - barely close-able, and my belly would mushroom over it like an overgrown mushroom. Now, I can zip it up without issue, and I don't have to suck in my belly because it doesn't spill over anymore. AWESOME! I just want to keep up with it this week since I'll be out of commission.

Some Scientific Stuff

2008-04-06T21:10:00.000-04:00

So today, yes, I did go for my 30 minute run. I have to say, I was exhausted almost all the way through. I was thinking that perhaps I was not eating enough. I've felt that way these past few days - like I was craving much more than I was eating. Case in point: yesterday I had 2700, yes, 2700 calories. I feel like forcing myself to stay under 1500 calories a day was making me 'splurge' when I can't take it anymore. That hunger coupled with feeling more tired as opposed to more fit made me go online to do more research into healthy caloric intake / healthy weight loss. Here's a couple things I've discovered.

1) Healthy weight loss talks about figuring out how much body fat you have and focusing on the pounds of FAT to lose, rather than overall pounds to lose (so that you don't lose muscle mass, which is important for continued weight loss). I calculated my body fat % and I am at 31.82% fat. Yorg. That comes out to 77 lbs. Good god. 77 lbs of fat is like...like...a little over 15 of my macbook laptops (which are 5 lbs a pop). I have 15 laptops around my body. Nice. SO, in figuring out that I have 77 lbs of fat at 31% body fat percentage, I aim to get to a 22%ish body fat percentage (athletic range), which is more like 53 lbs of fat. Meaning I've got 24 lbs to lose...or about 5 laptops...for now.

Body Fat Calculator: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/body-fat-calculator/
Body Fat Chart: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/body-fat-calculator/body-fat-chart.php

2) I haven't gotten my period in 2 months. I already ruled out the pregnancy thing, don't worry. However, I've been reading that excessive exercise disrupts the menstrual cycle. I want to try to get things back into normalcy so I don't risk decreased estrogen levels which can lead to calcium deficiency, etc. (which can happen if I have amennorhea for over 6 months, or if I'm at a body fat % of less than 20&ish)

3) Perhaps the biggest thing I've learned is that I'm eating WAY TOO FEW calories to sustain muscle, burn fat, and keep healthy. I've been eating, on average, 1647 calories a day (from 950 to 2700!), minus the 350ish calories/day of activity, bringing me to 1337 calories I'm consuming a day. Using multiple calculators, I have found that my basal caloric intake (e.g. how many calories I should be eating to sustain my current body weight) is around 2769 (currently my 1647). I should be eating roughly 500 - 1000 less calories a day to lose 1-2 lbs a week (so 1769 - 2269 instead of my 1337). Any less than that could be detrimental to my health. So I've been short by 400 - 900 calories a day - that's like a meal!!

Calculate your caloric intake here:
http://healthfitness.com.au/calculators/calculate_fitness.html

So, if I have this all right (which I thought I had last time!) I should be eating roughly 2000 calories a day in order to lose a little more than a pound a week. I'm feeling motivated, so I want to aim for 1700 calories a day to lose 2 pounds a week. Still, it makes me feel better knowing that I've got more calories a day I can eat, as I was feeling guilty for going over 1200 - 1500. However, I'm also realizing that I really could use a nutritionist....

ooog

2008-04-05T20:20:00.000-04:00

Although many of my previous posts have had depressing titles, I'm actually feeling ooooogy all-around today. I'm just not happy that I ate way more than I should have, and than I have been eating these past two weeks. I think I had at least 2000 calories (which is not monstrous - it's what I'd been eating before two weeks ago) and I also didn't go running - I just walked around malls for 2 hours.

SO, here's what I need from you. Tomorrow, I'm getting back on track. If I write that I am not getting back on track, I need you to challenge me to do so.

The one good thing is that although I had 2k calories, it was all healthy food:

BREAKFAST - 8:30am
1 cup beanthread noodles with 1/4 cup stir fry lettuce/onion, 2 dumplings
1.5 cup grapefruit juice

SNACK - 11:30am
1/4 cup sesame honey almonds
1/2 cup grapes

LUNCH - 2:30pm
6" subway veggie delite sub
1.5 oz bag sun chips

SNACK - 7pm
small starbucks caramel frap

DINNER - 8pm
2/3 cup basmati rice
2/3 cup chicken vindaloo
1/2 cup carrots

Looking at this, it's apparent I need more fruits/veggies for today. So, instead of choco chip cookies like I want, I'll have me a grapefruit and call it a nite.

Remember: call me on falling off the wagon tomorrow if my blog makes it clear I'm not on the wagon - I need the kick in the keister so I don't suck myself back into my old ways.

Shin Pain

2008-04-04T18:55:00.000-04:00

OY. I hope it's just cuz of the rain or due to yesterday's wacky run, but my shins hurt during / after today's run (weird, I'm calling it a 'run' - I guess it's still a jog). I made sure to stretch both before and after, but whew. It was a struggle to run today too. I was thinking as I was home, that I really didn't want to go out, and that it would be OK since it would be the first time in a long time I hadn't jogged. But I made myself go. And it wasn't particularly enjoyable, though it wasn't crappy. I seriously feel like a crack addict in reverse. Like I have to keep convincing myself to go out and exercise because my mind wants me to retreat back into unfit fat-dom and all the comforts it brings.

I'm trying to be more flexible with my eating - allowing more than 1300-1400 calories of intake because I am expending a good number of calories. Again, trying not to get hung up on the numbers (just hung up enough to keep myself on track).

Yay....go team go....I hope my Livin' out Loud Ladies are doing well - I think of you girls every day!

Um...so about that 'jogging = joy' thing...

2008-04-03T19:43:00.000-04:00

OK, so it still feels great, but today I think I discovered how 'weak' I am. Today, instead of the traditional TG thing of doing the elliptical for 30 min, I went jogging with a co-worker on one of the paths at work. We did 18 minutes of jogging and 5 of walking, and it EXHAUSTED me. Totally tired me out. I had to walk twice during the 18 minutes because I just couldn't keep jogging. Granted both times I walked for a minute or less, but it was frustrating to me. I think I had problems getting through this jog for a couple reasons:

1) It was slightly hilly - just hilly enough that my muscles had to work harder and I think I got tired much more quickly. Amazing what two small inclines can do to stamina!

2) When I jog at home, I walk for 5, jog for 8-10, walk for 1-2, jog for 5-8, walk for 1-2, jog for 5-8, etc. I have not jogged 15 minutes straight before, and I think my body / stamina was not used to that.

Either way, when I got home, I actually WANTED to go for a jog - I felt like I didn't give myself a good enough work out - it wasn't satisfying, so I wanted to end the day on a good note and have a good jog. So I did. I did my shorter 0.8 mile loop (vs. the longer 1.5 mile one) in 13ish minutes, and it felt great.

I think I should keep the perspective that hey, I wasn't even jogging 6 weeks ago (hell, I was sedentary since freshman year of college 12 years ago), so the fact that I'm up to 2.3 miles each time I go out, is pretty amazing.

I'm Baaaaaaaack!

2008-04-02T18:51:00.000-04:00

The jog was GREAT! It took about 2-5 minutes to feel good, then 5-10 minutes of ramping up, and then the last 10-15 were great. I even sped up for the last block, and it didn't hurt as badly as last week when I tried it.

The coolest part? I kept track of my 'times' for the 2.3 mile loop, and it's gotten better. When I started last week, it took me 36.5 minutes. Today I finished at 31.5 minutes. I've gotten 5 minutes faster - neat, huh?! It was so nice out that I sat out on my front steps for 15 minutes or so afterwards, soaking up the sun and blue skies.

Exercise really does make you feel better. It's amazing how much my mind was getting in my way. It took me almost 40 minutes to get psyched up to go do it once I got home. The things running through my mind were that there was too much traffic and I didn't want people seeing me, then I saw my neighbors out on their porch, and I didn't want them seeing me as I went out, then I had a goorgly tummy, then I was tired.....blah blah blah. I almost psyched myself out until I made a firm decision that I was going, then it was all about preparation. I hope that mental struggle gets easier each time!

But, YAY!!!

Need. Motivation.

2008-04-02T17:22:00.000-04:00

Ugh. I am 85% not motivated to get out and jog today. I think it has something to do with eating the rest of my eggplant dish from the chinese restaurant - got the same tired feeling, and my stomach's goorgling. Maybe it's the oil. I had a spate of motivation when I drove to Target because it was so sunny and beautiful out, but I felt exhausted again when I got home. I am trying to gear myself to go out even though all I want to do right now is take a nap. However, literally as I'm typing this, I'm getting more motivated.

OK, that's it. I'm changing, I'm putting on my contacts, and I'm going out to jog. I have you all (um...all 3 or 4 of you) to answer to if I don't.

Update to come soon...

Chinese Food...Ugh

2008-04-01T20:58:00.001-04:00

Don't get me wrong, I love Chinese food -but something's going funky. We went out for a quick bite at a restaurant whose food I like because it's not too greasy or sauce-y. I finished the meal feeling slightly light headed, nauseous, and brain dead. I told my b/f that I couldn't listen to him talk anymore because my brain could not compute anything more than "it is cold out". I think it's one of several things (or some mixture thereof):

(a) the simple carbs - rice. I haven't had simple carbs in a long long time save for the occasions these past couple of weeks that I've gone out (maybe two or three times - each time less than 1/2 a cup was consumed). Perhaps I'm hypoglycemic, or just cannot process sugar that well.

(b) caffeine - I had an iced coffee (my first in over a month) this afternoon and tea tonite. Perhaps I was coming down from a 'high'?

(c) sodium - I have not had a lot of sodium in my diet since I started TG - perhaps this has a whammy of a dose which is making me light headed and thirsty

I felt nauseous and jittery last nite after the potatoes, so I'm wondering if it's a combination of the carbs and sodium that has my body all funked up. Oog.

Boob Rash

2008-04-01T17:42:00.000-04:00

SO, one thing they don't tell you (or maybe they do - I've just never looked) is that you can get heat rash on your boobs - even after you've cooled down and taken a shower. I have gotten one nearly every day after I've jogged - so like 8 - 10 times in the past two weeks. Ridonculous! It itches like what, and then when I itch, my entire chest breaks out in hives. NOT comfortable at all. I talked to some TG peeps about it and they suggested putting baby powder or corn starch on my chest (before? during? after?) to absorb the moisture and keep things cooler and dryer. Be forewarned!

That said, I did my 30 minutes on the elliptical today and burned 400 calories. Noiiiice! Aaaaand, I weighed myself (which I haven't done in a couple weeks) and I am down 6.5 lbs since we started 6 weeks ago. It's about 1 lb a week, which is a healthy rate, so I won't complain. I should be down 16ish lbs by the time school gets out, and 20ish lbs by my 30th birthday. I wish things could go faster, but I'm willing to wait if it means I've lost the lb for "good".

I've noticed a real difference in hunger based on what I eat. When I have lots of fresh veggies and fruit earlier in the day, I'm less hungry. When I start out with other stuff...nuts, soup, etc., I'm hungry most of the day. I have to be more diligent about getting fruit when I run out: I'm out of oranges, grapefruit and grapes now, and those are my staples!

So, for Sunday:
Calories eaten: 1445
calories burned: 350
total calories consumed: 1090

Monday:
Calories eaten: 1867 (damn potatos were 600 for 5 small/medium ones sliced and baked with olive oil!)
calories burned: 350
total calories consumed: 1517 (I felt a little nauseus after this - probably from (a) the potatos and (b) having more food than usual)

Tueday:
Calories eaten: 627
calories burned: 450
total calories consumed: 177 (I basically have 1023 calories left to eat)

I'm finding as I'm doing this that I crave less food when I focus. My proudest moment today was not eating any candy when someone brought 5 bags to fill up my candy jug! It was during a meeting, and everyone else was dipping in, but I chose not to, partially because I didn't have the craving. It's amazing though, how much more I choose to eat and am compelled to eat when (a) food is in front of me, (b) others are enjoying food, (c) I'm bored / stressed / whatever. If I don't pay attention like I haven't been in the past 25 years, I could easily eat way over 2000 calories.

I'm worried that I'll flounder and fizzle...that happened with Weight Watchers and previous attempts at getting my life in control. I remember thinking yesterday and today how much I didn't want to be active, and how much I wanted to not think about food. It's a constant battle to focus, and I hope I can sustain it because I haven't had a great track record. This really is an addiction - an extremely bad habit that is taking a while to shake. It's been 2.5 years since I first started by walking 15 minutes a day. I am proud that I've worked my way up to going to weight watchers, and now jogging 2.3 miles 3-4 times a week. I have to look at it that way: I've been making slow but steady improvement overall, and even though I may trip up and fail along the way, I'm still headed in the right direction....

Leaning Pizza = Not so Good

2008-03-30T20:33:00.001-04:00

So we went, all excited for some amazing pizza. It was alright. The salad bar was the saddest one I had ever seen (just lettuce, tomatos and onions, croutons and pasta salad). I had two small / medium slices of pizza - and two heaping plates of salad. I ate way too much, got totally filled on the salad, and in retrospect should have stopped earlier. Next time!

We ran some errands, then got some seriously awesome 95% fat free frozen yogurt from Richardsons at Jordans Furniture. You laugh, but once you get over the location of this ice cream shop, you'll love it - this is the first place that has made frozen yogurt (95% fat free no less!) taste and feel like real ice cream. The kiddie size is like a softball, it's obscene! I shared a coffee heath one with my b/f, and that capped off the day. I've been 'spring cleaning' for the three or so hours since I've been home - vacuuming, dishes, filing and shredding 3-4 months worth of documents, laundry...). I'm just eating 'dinner' right now which is a small Fage yogurt w/ strawberries. I'm still somewhat full from the pizza and salad (which is great - being active makes me forget I'm hungry!).

Just going to do some work then call it a night. Hope you all had a great day!

Beautiful Day for a jog...and pizza!

2008-03-30T11:42:00.000-04:00

My b/f wanted to come jogging with me today, and we did. It is GORGEOUS outside! A little breezy, but sunny as what with barely a cloud in the sky! It was actually relaxing to jog...medatative. I didn't have my ipod with me this time around, and I think I'm going to not use it as much in the future. It distracts me from relaxing. This is weird because I never thought I'd be someone to say that jogging is like meditating - I would have been the one to say 'that's crap!' BUT, there is something relaxing and meditating about it...about any repetitive action (kind of like what crocheting was to me at one point), except this repetitive action is also making me feel better all around. I feel:

* more alert

* like I want to be active, move around and do things

* antsy just lying around

* that healthy food tastes better and is more filling than crap food (mmm...grapefruit!)

* more fit: I'm shrinking ever so slowly, and am able to jog an itty bit faster each time

* not guilty going for small indulgences. Like pizza!

My frame of mind is shifting, and it's great. I haven't been eating junk food (my nemeses: chocolate and doritos) lately partially because it hasn't crossed my mind, and partially because I've been avoiding it. I do well when I don't have treats, but when I do, it's like a dam opens and I wharf things down. I'm hoping that once I get more fit and my tastebuds change and my mentality towards food changes, that the cravings won't impact me as much.

Now that I've gone for my 35 minute jog/run today (which burned 350 calores - nice!), I'm going to go enjoy a slice of pizza from a place I believe is called the Leaning Tower of Pizza...it has the leaning tower of Pisa in front. I am gonna order a slice and a salad cuz my stomach's gotta have it some balance!

have a great day!

Week One: Success!

2008-03-29T21:53:00.000-04:00

CALORIES CONSUMED: 1371

ACTIVITY: 2 hr walking around the mall (200 calories burned)

TOTAL CALORIES 'CONSUMED': 1022 (1371 minus 200)

PROUDEST MOMENT: Being able to eat at a mall eatery and not overdo it. I had indian food, and had about 3/4 cup of vindaloo / rice around 2pm. I had another 3/4 cup around 8pm for dinner along with 1/2 grapefruit, and that was perfect.

Friday was a great day too:
Calories consumed: 1522
Activity: 20 min walking (112 calories burned); 35 min. jogging (380 calories burned)
Total calories 'consumed': 1030 (1522 minus 492)
Proudest moment: jogging. I was dead tired because I had been up from 12:30am - 2:30am the night before (long story). I got home from visiting with my dad at 6pm and was supposed to turn right back around and go out to dinner with friends. I bailed gracefully because I was too tired, but decided that instead of going upstairs and konking out at 6pm, I would go for a jog (to keep up with my 30 minutes of activity a day goal) and then relax afterwards. It was cold and rainy - which was actually perfect jogging weather - and I did it! And it wasn't painful!

I checked the mileage today with my car and found out that I ran somewhere between 2.5-3 miles instead of the 'under 1 mile' I thought. Cool!!! I never thought I'd be able to jog for 2.5 miles! I'm getting closer and closer to thinking about doing a 3k road race since that's 1.875 miles.

AAAND, here are some physical perks of being more fit:
1) my chest size has shrunk 3". I went from an "F" to a "DD"

2) My thighs are more toned and trim - I can sit cross-legged comfortably and walk/sit without them squishing into each other as hard

3) My gut isn't as big, which makes it easier to bend, to lean over, and to tuck my legs up.

4) I can cross my arms in front of my breasts instead of having to pick above or under.

The scale says I've only lost 4lbs since we started TG 5 weeks ago, but all these side benefits are worth the lower-than-expected weight loss!

TG with a spin

2008-03-27T22:03:00.000-04:00

CALORIES CONSUMED: 1457

ACTIVITY: 35 min. jogging / walking (427 calories burned)

TOTAL CALORIES 'CONSUMED': 1022 (1457 minus 427)

PROUDEST MOMENT: meeting up with my dad and only eating 1/8 of the plate of chicken chow foon I had ordered (rougly 3/4 cup). I wasn't too hungry because I had had 1 cup of ground turkey and 2.5 cups of a salad at lunch (12pm) and was still feeling full from it (I usually don't eat a lot of meat - maybe 1/2 cup at a time, so this was double my normal intake of meat). So, while I was driving down to meet my dad, I was telling myself "I'm not really that hungry" and I was feeling like I had to eat because my dad was there and we were meeting for dinner. I got there just as he was finishing eating so that worked out well, because I ate quickly and just enough.

**BY THE WAY, I KNOW I TEND TO BUTCHER GRAMMAR AND USE 'SO' A LOT. SORRY, THAT'S MY BLOG VOICE! I'M TRYING TO WEAN IT OUT. IN THE MEANTIME, HUMOR ME....**

So today my dad came up, and I was worried because it would be the first TG workout I would miss since we started 5 weeks ago. I wanted to make sure I would stay on even though I wouldn't be with the rest of the gang 3:30 - 4:30pm today, so I checked in with one of the women today who's been there every time like me, and asked if I could have her home / cell number to call her after jogging later tonite to make sure I did jog. She said most definitely!

So, I got home from dinner with my dad, we went back out for grocery shopping, and got home again around 7pm. I changed and went back out, and jogged/walked for 35 minutes (roughly 20 min. jogging, 15 min. walking). It felt good - I kept myself at a slow, deliberate pace, and found myself speeding up to a faster pace my second time round the circuit without even knowing it. This felt MUCH better than when I attempted running around once a month or so ago - I felt like I was going to pass out then. This was before I started TG and before focusing on food consumption. This time, I went around twice, and felt winded, but good. AAaaaaaand...my boobs are shrinking!

I did call her and leave a pumped up voicemail. Yeah!

btw, I love my dad!

My fitness & eating, T's surgery

2008-03-26T21:12:00.000-04:00

So Team Guidance started Tuesday, February 26. Tomorrow will be the 10th time going (5 weeks, twice a week). I actually have to bow out tomorrow and Friday because my dad will be coming into town, which is making me anxious, but I will find a way to jog at home after I do dinner with him and my grandma both nites.

BUT, I'm feeling great - continuing to feel great, and I can't believe it's been over a month since we've started. My friends comment that I look different - which I don't quite see, but it's nice that something's showing to other people. I'm trying not to put too much emphasis on weighing myself every week, instead focusing on whether or not I ate well that day or was active. This is because I've seen my weight fluctuate up and down 3 lbs within the span of 3 days - it's not a reliable measure of actual progress towards eating right and being active. My goals every week are to:

1) eat 1500 calories on average each day (to be averaged by the week)

2) do at least 30 minutes of activity each day

The first goal, I am measuring through a combination of the weight watchers method and counting my calories. I don't want to focus solely on calories, because proper nutrition depends on a combination of calories, protein and carbs. I'm using the weight watchers workbook tracker (to track my intake of fruits, veggies, water, oils, and milk), and instead of counting down points, I'm counting down calories. I used multiple websites to figure out my daily caloric need, which stands at roughly 2200 calories. If I eat 500 less calories a day for each week, I am able to lose 1 lb weekly (in general). So, I've made a goal to have, on average, 1500 calories a day, assuming that I'll go over some days, and under others. This is like using the weight watchers 'flex points'. So, my caloric intake so far for the past four days (I started on Easter):

Easter Sunday: 2167 (activity: 45 min. bellydancing, 20 min. free dancing)
* I ate WAY too much this day: all my calories were from the one sitting for easter dinner. I stuffed myself and felt so full I was almost sick. I was mad at myself afterwards for doing so, but was determined to be focused on Monday.

Monday: 954 (activity: 30 min. dancing)
* I was HUNGRY after my morning snack, was craving toast after I danced, and wanted cookies at night. I was fine overall, but had these pockets of intense cravings. I figure that's normal - like caffeine withdrawal - carbs/sugar withdrawal.

Tuesday: 1189 (activity: 35 min Team Guidance - sweating on the elliptical)
* I felt pretty good today - I had no large cravings, I just thought about more food than I ate.

Wednesday: 1388 (activity: 30 min walking)
* I'm feeling nervous about today because I was hungry during lunch and snacked a lot on almonds and raisins. I think that's because that was my lunch - I had my pho soup for a late breakfast (11ish), and that was the only thing of substance I had until just now - 9pm, when I had 3/4 cup of lean ground turkey and a handful of mini carrots with a cup of grapefruit juice. I know that doesn't sounds like a lot - and believe me it didn't look like a lot when I put it into my bowl, but I am just full enough right now and content. I feel like I (mentally) want to eat more - like I wasn't finished, but (physically) am all set.

I'm gearing up for tomorrow - eating out with family tends to bring back old habits of eating. My goal in eating with my dad is to : (a) portion out my food so I know exactly how much I'm eating, and (b) eat slowly, waiting at least 5 minutes after my first portion (1 cup) to get my feeling of fullness so I can stop in time. My third related goal is to jog 20 minutes when I get home later that nite. Wish me luck!

In other news, my friend T just had gastric bypass surgery yesterday. I visited her yesterday and today...she's doing well, but the drugs and pain have definitely put a veil over her energeticness and boisterousness, which was a little eery yesterday. She's doing better today, is getting up to walk down the hall and back (no small feat!), and will be released in the next day or so. Keep her in your thoughts!

Thursdays Stink

2008-03-13T19:33:00.000-04:00

OY. If I dragged myself to work out Tuesday, today was even worse. It actually started out OK - I went around the indoor track 7 times - jogging 4, walking 3. The trouble started when we bopped over to the weight room afterwards and I jumped on the elliptical for 35 more minutes. The first 15 were painful. The next 10 were great. The last 10 were exhausting. BUT, I guess the point is I did it. I came home and had a healthy 5pm dinner of do miao (pea pod leaves) and dumplings, and then had two slices of pizza just now after a quick 15 minute walk w/ Bri when he got home.

SO, the beat goes on. I think I'm holding even at 3.5 lbs down, which is OK. I have to remind myself that that's a loss of over 1 lb a week for 3 weeks straight, and that is better than what I did at WW...

Dragging Myself There

2008-03-11T18:32:00.000-04:00

My big achievement today? Going to TG when I was REALLY not feeling it because I was ready to leave at 2:45pm, and we didn't start TG until 3:30pm. I didn't think I could wait 45 minutes without wanting to pass out. I haven't had enough sleep since last week - I've not been getting home til 10 or 11pm at nights, and this weekend, I went to bed at 4am both times. Last nite and the night before has been 12:30am bedtimes. SO, I was pooped. I called one of the other ladies who I knew would be there. I told her I was going to run at home (OK, I was going to try, but I knew I would most likely nap). The other lady called me for something work-related, and when I told her I wasn't going, she was like "who's going to push me to run this time?!" I decided on my way to my car that I was going to go. I waited the 45 minutes, and we jogged / did the elliptical for at least 45 minutes. It felt great, and I felt good afterwards that I didn't give in.

I am also proud that I am down another 0.5 lbs since last week (3.5 lbs total) considering I ate junk food like a ravenous bear.

I'm going tomorrow with a woman who wants to go 3, not 2 times a week, and going again Thursday. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

A (Re)new Leaf...

2008-03-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

So it's been 10 months since I've last written. In that time, I've lost 13 lbs and gained it back again. I've gotten connected with some co-workers and newer friends at the same time, both groups of which want to focus on fitness. So, welcome Team Fitness from work (TF), and Divas Livin' out Loud (DLOL) from friends! TF started last week: we meet twice a week after work to go around the track and then do cardio/weights in the weight room. We work at a school, and can use the school's indoor track and weight room for free. It's been great. I started out pretty much back at my starting weight watchers weight. By Thursday I lost 1 lb. This Tuesday I had lost another, and today I was down one more. I've lost 3 lbs since last Tuesday - only a week and a half, and by only doing 30-35 minutes of cardio. I feel so much more alert and active overall...it's been great!

I mainly wanted to write today because I had hit a milestone. I walked/jogged 3 miles today! 33 times around the indoor track. The first 12 times round were horrible: I felt completely out of breath, I had cramps in my side, and my knees ached like what! By rounds 13-18 I was feeling pretty good, and felt like keeping going. My initial goal was to make it to a mile (11 rounds), as we hadn't made it that far since starting TF. However, once I passed 11, I figured I'd go to 2 miles. Then when I passed that, I thought what the hell - 3 miles! Some other members of TF came in around lap 22, and I convinced one of them to jog 3 laps with me (with 2 laps of walking in between each). I finished the last lap on my own as they headed to the weight room, and I was SO excited at making this milestone, that I exclaimed 'MUTHAFUCKA!' and pumped my fist in the air. I hardly swear, but this felt worth it :) It took me 40 minutes to do, but I made it.

My DLOL group is ramping up - we're starting a blog to motivate ourselves and each other. We each have something that's going to work for us health and activity-wise, so it'll be interesting to compare stories. I'll post the link as soon as we have it. I'm excited - I feel like I'm back on the upswing for this lifelong journey, but this time around, I have a support network. Wish us luck!

Keeping Up...

2007-04-19T09:58:00.000-04:00

OK, so my last post was Monday nite?

TUES
Today was busy...woke up to my mom cleaning out my car (which had been sitting on my parents' driveway for the past month and a half...long story). I ate a quick breakfast of instant vietnamese coffee (1/2 cup) and instant oatmeal (1-1.5 cups...2/3 milk, 1/3 oatmeal). Instant delish.

I went outside to vacuum my car (for the first time in five years; GROSS!) when my friend called (by the way, I vaccumed for AN HOUR!). He and I decided at the wedding this past weekend that we'd go out to lunch. Except that I forgot and thought we were going to dinner and invited other friends along. Hah! Anyway, he called up to see if I still wanted to do lunch (because he works only about a mile from my parents' house). We met up for some delish thai food (I had duck salad (2/3 cup) - pulling off the skin - and curry chicken with rice (3/4 cup)). We walked back to his workplace and called our other friends to see if they still wanted to do dinner. They said it sounded like a tight timeframe (we all live about an hour apart). He and I decided that if they didn't want to go, we wouldn't. He said he'd let them know too. I got a call from him as soon as I got home about 3 minutes later. Apparently as he was texting them to say don't bother, they called him and said let's do it. SO, I took a quick nap, dropped my car off to get the oil changed, and then jumped in the car with him so that he could drive me to the restaurant. 1.5 hour drive with traffic. I also got to see his house for the first time which was great. We all met up at a great Chinese restaurant. I had about a cup of spicy beef with 1/2 cup rice and was done. I splurged a little later that night because I was sleeping over my friend's house. His fiancee and I got starbucks (white choco mocha; rice krispie treat) and we all played the Nintendo Wii for three hours. I like to think of that as one hour of activity points since I was sweating!

WED
Did a lot of running around today as well...woke up with my friend who dropped me off at home on his way to work. Then went around running errands with my mom...picked up both my and her cars from the shop, then drove around grocery shopping, and taking my car to get its tires rotated and balanced. Breakfast? Left over thai food from the night before with rice - about 3/4 cup total. Got groceries at a Chinese grocery storer and ate in the car. This was my least favorite meal; not because of the food, but because it was so greasy. I actually had a stomach ache at the end. It was healthy food though - I had about 1/3 cup rice, seaweed (yum, Taunia!), tofu skin, and greens. All in all about a cup worth of food. Got home and had a slice of the pastry cake roll we had bought from the bakery -- yummy

We got home around 3pm and were exhausted. My dad was coming home around 6pm tonite, so my mom and I both took a nap, waking up around 6pm. I then went downstairs and started packing my stuff as I was planning on leaving tomorrow. My dad got home, we ate again (I had one rice bowl of beef tendon, salmon and greens). I had corn on the cob, a handful of grapes and corn salad around 10:30pm that night, then three oreos and a cup of milk around 2am as I was watching Animal Planet. Went to bed around 3:30am

THURS
Well, today's Thursday. I had a rice bowl of oatmeal this morning and 1/2 cup instant viet coffee. My parents and I are heading out to lunch soon so gotta go....

I'm feeling like I'm getting the portioning down right. I can eat about 1 cup (rice bowl) of food and feel satisfied, so I'm trying not to go over that. What am I proud of so far this week? Being able to say no to more servings of food, and being able to hang out with my parents while they're eating and snacking and not do the same. So YAY!

Still Going (Sorta) Strong...did it!

2007-04-17T00:50:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling pretty good about the choices I made today...

BREAKFAST
woke up at 9:30 this morning, then slept again til 11am (that's what I get for going to bed at 3am yesterday). OH, btw, yesterday I WON the battle - I didn't eat anything as a late late late night snack...I got up to go into the kitchen to get something to eat, and realized how TIRED I was, then decided to go to bed. so YAY! OK back to breakfast. So I woke up at 11 and we got ready to leave to run errands. Went to go order take out first, then I shopped while waiting for the food. Ate in the car...was Chinese food. I had half a cup of fried rice, and three pieces of General Tsao's chicken, and about half a cup of kung po shrimp. Not terrible, but not the best food to get.

LUNCH
After running errands, I got home around 3:30pm and was hungry. I made myself another bowl of instant oatmeal (2 cup milk, 1 packet Quaker Instant Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal, sprinkling of dried cranberries) but this time added about a teaspoon of butter. It was delish!

DINNER
dinner started about an hour after lunch. My mom makes fabu food. We had grilled zuccini with salt & pepper, baby bok choy, and some thin sliced marinated pork. I again only had two small rice bowls of food and felt satisfied and felt OK with not eating while others still were.

SNACK
I had a cup of corn & tomato soup (chicken broth) around 10pm. I fought the desire to eat before then even though my mom cooked again and had food ready for my dad when he came home at 8:30pm from tennis.

SNACK II
I'm watching a Fresh Prince of Bel Air marathon (6pm - 6am: SO fabu) and got hungry and gave into the sensation to have something sweet. I first had a rice bowl of leftover mexican food from two days ago. Then I had three oreo cookies. I am feeling satisfied and full (especially with the water...did I tell you I drink lots of water?).

SO, all in all, it wasn't the best food choices, but I think I made the best portion choices I could given the food I have. And most importantly, I do felt happy about my decisions today both during and after, and THAT is really important. The feeling beforehand wasn't too painful - just PERSISTENT! Let's keep marching...go me!

Ummm...Hello!

2007-04-16T00:11:00.000-04:00

So I think it's been "several" months since I've last posted. In those "several" months, I've gained and lost the same 8 pounds "several" times. It's been a long and frustrating ride.

BUT, Taunia and I are getting back on track. We're both reaching our breaking points with how much more waffling we're able to endure. I feel like I've had a good couple of days since we weighed in Wednesday. Lemme explain:

THURSDAY
I was so determined to be good today that, even though I had no lunch, I brought stuff to make. I brought a can of tuna fish, veggies, a knife and a cutting board. I made myself some tuna fish salad w/ veggies, cranberries and walnuts. SO delicious, and I felt great about making this choice.

FRIDAY
I was exhausted today! After work, I was driving all over the place getting ready to book it down to my parents (8 hour drive). Now car rides are difficult for me because I like to munch. I am an anxious snacker. Sitting for long periods of time means I have to find something to do with myself. Either soemthing with my hands or something with my mouth. So I decided to go the hands route and stopped at a crafts place to buy a crochet hook and yarn to crochet in the car. I had packed a bag of snacks but decided not to eat any of them because I was worried about going over points (I only had 4 points left and knew I'd be cutting into my flex points already). SO, don't be grossed out, but I had bought snack packs of dried spicy seaweed - so delicious, and 0 points! So I snacked on those, water, and one Burger King grilled chicken sandwich. The BK burger was initially going to be fried and with fries, but I decided at the last minute to go the healthy route. I can tell you, not eating any of those snacks in the back was the hardest thing I did. It was amazing how many times I almost gave in, even at 2:30am when I was nearing my parents' place. But I didn't. And I felt great when, at the end, I came out on top.

SATURDAY
Today was crazy...we had a wedding to go to. We got to bed 3:30am the night before but woke up at 9:30am. I started out wanting to eat some chinese food, and got myself a small rice bowl. I ate about three bites and decided it wasn't good, so I stopped eating. Instead, I made some instant oatmeal with fresh strawberries. SO good! We chilled for a bit then drove to the wedding, eating some slices of duck and broke down and had a couple baked dorito chips. Wedding was great - healthy 3oz of beef, breaded chicken, and veggies. Could have done without the appetizers (bacon wrapped scallops, etc.), but I did dance feverishly for 2.5 hours so hopefully that helped dampen the impact :)

SUNDAY
The thing I was most proud of today was that I only had two small rice bowls of food for dinner - which was just enough to make me satisfied, not full. Breakfast was costly - had almost my entire day's worth of points. BUT, we walked around for three hours so that helped....and had a fabu mexican meal in between the hours. Right now it's 1:30am Monday morning, and though my belly is full, I haven't stopped thinking about wanting to snack on some low fat cheesy popcorn. I may not lose this battle, but as long as I keep going in the right direction, I'll be good. WAIT, that's an excuse, right? I'm debating....I'll let you know how this goes. Now my stomach is rumbling. Gah!

I think my mantra right now that'll be relevant is "think about how good it'll feel during and AFTER making the right choice. Just gotta get through the 'before'."

OY

2007-01-16T23:42:00.000-05:00

Well, I wish I had had more resolve tonite...I went out to Trivia since Bri runs it, and I shared chicken fajitas with him (I estimated a half portion to be roughly 12 points), and I was craving chocolate, so I got the mini chocolate bundt cake with chocolate sauce filling and a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Damn good.

Anyhoo, I went over my points for today, but that's OK since it's dipped into my weekly allocated points. But, my point is I could have done without the cake, especially since cheat nite is tomorrow nite. So, Taunia. Keep me on track and remind me not to get a dessert or go too overboard! I hope your week's going better, and I hope you're starting to feel better!

yay!

2007-01-16T16:31:00.000-05:00

I have two goals:

* my daily activity points target (2)
* my weekly activity (14)

I'll up it each month or so to keep challenging myself to do more.

I just got back from jogging today. Here's been my record of activity lately:

SAT - jogging - 3 laps - 10 min

SUN - big fat nuthin'

MON - Core Rhythms - 20 min

TUES - jogging - 6 laps - 20 min

My goal is to try and alternate jogging / Core Rhythms from day to day to work my body differently, keep from getting bored, and keep from getting sore.

We'll see how this goes! I'm trying to work hard to not push myself too much on jogging - last time, I pushed myself to do more each time, and I quickly went from 3 to 5 to 8 to 10 laps, and it was too much too soon, and I got burned out and frustrated because I couldn't keep up the pace. Plus, I didn't have Core Rhythms to balance it out so I was jogging every day. Now, my goal is to keep with 3 laps this week. Up it by one lap a week. If I jog more laps (like I did today), that's great, but now my expectation stays at the original laps per week, it doesn't go up if I happen to decide / be able to jog more later on in the week.

I still have 20.5 points left to eat for today and it's 4:30, so I'm feeling pretty good.

I am sad, however, that 20 minutes of jogging is only worth 2 points! I counted it as medium instead of high intensity because although I call it "jogging", I combine jogging and walking, so that it's roughly 2/3 jogging 1/3 walking. SO, it's not high intensity all the way, nor is it low intensity all the way. So, I need to be happy with the medium. Although I'm not :) Perhaps once 20 minutes no longer seems like a big deal, the 2 points'll be nothing.

I did it!.....today...

2007-01-15T22:18:00.000-05:00

I felt productive on a number of levels today...I sorted through my shoes and packed away "spring/summer" ones. I sorted through my clothes and swapped them out of five-year old cardboard boxes into plastic bins. I sorted through my books and packed away unread ones into said five-year old cardboard boxes. I went through the pile on my desk and filed away three months worth of papers. I set up an e-bill for one of my credit cards and paid it online. I checked out apartments to rent and condos to buy.

AND. I ate healthily, tracked my points, and did some dancing for activity points. I earned 7 activity points today, and still have 3 points left to eat, and it's already 10:30pm, so it's a good night. Well, good day, really. I'm proud because I got up in the middle of watching the golden globe awards to do my Core Rhythms 20 minute workout. I tried playing it on my laptop set on top of the entertainment center, and it choked twice. So, I put in in the DVD player and played it thru the TV, missing 20 minutes of the golden globes.

The thing I look forward to the most is what I had written this past August, five months ago, while temping at the American Heart Association. In reading through their literature, I followed through on a suggestion of one of the brochures that said to list down everything you would look forward to in losing weight, becoming more active, and becoming more healthy. The one that resonated with me still today was "4. Free up my mind from worry (stand up straighter, suck in stomach, etc.)"

I'm hoping to be back on track, and today certainly helped put me in that direction.

Now is the time

2007-01-15T14:52:00.000-05:00

I've been away from my blog for over a month....I have only weighed in once in that amount of time. Amazingly I'm still on track, losing weight. But I know my habits are getting back out of control. Gotta get back in the saddle. My goal is to try and keep track of my food and exercise this week. I will log back on to ww for the first time in a month and hopefully keep going.

Wish me luck.

Week 13 Results: +2.8

2006-12-10T01:25:00.000-05:00

GAHHHHH. This was a baaaad week. For several reasons:

1) I did not do any exercise (with the exception of jogging 50 minutes last Saturday) since last Friday.
2) Above said stoppage in exercise, I'm surmising, is in part due to the flu shot I got last Friday.
3) I got my friendly monthly friend.
4) Above said friend made me go out and eat 2 twix bars, 2 peanut butter cups, and chips n salsa this past week.
5) I didn't track my points.
6) Oh, did I mention I didn't get any exercise??

OY. So I'm feeling pretty bummed out about this week - especially since I had written "238.4 - keep it up!" on my fridge to keep me motivated. I think I got cocky and I got unlucky. I haven't really been keeping track of points this week, I haven't gone jogging yet this week either, and I haven't been eating as healthily as I normally do. I ate out three times too. I'm afraid I'm jinxing myself to make this week just as bad as last week. OY. I gotta get back on the band wagon, I know I have to get back on the band wagon, I'm just not finding my way....

Week 12 Results: -1.8

2006-11-29T21:53:00.001-05:00

Jabba!!

I lost 1.8 lbs this past week, putting me at 238.4 pounds.

At first, I was mad at myself because when I went out to dinner last night, I had a cheeseburger and baked potato, then came home and had half a slice of new york cheesecake w/ caramel sauce and whipped cream. I thought I had blown it for today! Aaaand, because I had stayed after at school yesterday to go directly to the dinner, I hadn't had a chance to jog (correction: I hadn't been determined enough to bring my clothes, change into them and jog), so I had only had a 15 minute walk to count as exercise. SO, today, I took a quick 20 minute jog (6 laps!) around the block right before weigh in. It made me feel like I did a little to overcome my indulgences for yesterday.

I am SO excited about my weight loss for several reasons:
* Milestone One: I'm now in the 230's!!! For the FIRST time in at least eight years!!!
* Milestone Two: I have just passed the ten pound loss mark
* My BMI has decreased from 41.5 to 39.7

Observations:
* It took me four weeks to lose the first five pounds
* It took me eight weeks to lose the second five (really six) pounds
* I am losing, on average 0.9 pounds per week
* In roughly 16 weeks (by April Fool's Day 2007), when I get to 224.6, I will have reached my 10% goal (24.9 pounds)
* In roughly 31 weeks (by end of school 2007), when I get to 210.6 (minus 38.8 pounds), my BMI will be 35 (my prelim BMI goal)

What I'm loving about my weight loss:
* my arms no longer feel like a dam holding water (my boobs) back when I cross them across my chest
* my shower towel actually fits all the way around me top to bottom (where before, it fit across my chest but didn't quite come together across my tummy or hips)
* my tummy no longer spills 1/3 the way down my thighs when I sit
* my thighs are noticibly smaller
* it doesn't hurt my knees / thighs anymore to cross my legs
* when I bend over to tie my shoes, etc., my tummy doesn't get in the way, preventing me from bending very far
* I can put on my socks with ease
* when I suck in my stomach, it actually has somewhere to go
* my pants and shirts are fitting better.
* I'm not feeling like my body is unmanageable

I'm excited because this is only after an 11 pound loss. I can't wait to share what I love about my weight loss when I'm at 20 or 30 pounds!

Taunia and I are focusing on exercise again this week. I have faith she's going to kick butt, which'll be great because I'll be looking to her for inspiration since my gung-ho-ness for jogging is slowing though not going down the tubes. I think I'm just not eating well enough and perhaps that's why I'm feeling more tired all around. I want to keep inspired and she's gonna do it for me!

Week 11 Results: -1.6

2006-11-26T10:41:00.000-05:00

Oops! I forgot to post from this past week. I lost 1.6 pounds which puts me at 240.2. Only 0.2lbs away from getting into the 230's, and I cannot be more excited about that!!!

And while I was slightly disappointed I hadn't lost more weight, I have to keep telling myself that (1) I most likely gained/beefed up my muscles from running, and (2) Healthy weight loss is no more than one or two pounds a week. So 1.6 is incredible.

I also weighed myself the day after Thanksgiving and saw that I had only gained 0.5 lbs. I think that was due in large part to eating a nice Chinese dinner for Thanksgiving - seafood soup w/ vermicelli noodles, bitter melon in black bean sauce, and West Lake soup (minced beef, cilantro and egg white in a thickened chicken broth - delish!!). I ate in moderation, and had run on the elliptical machine for an hour in the morning.

My BMI is around a 40 right now...it's going down slowly but surely. It's roughly 1 BMI point for every 10 lbs lost. I was researching BMI tho, and it said that it can overestimate fat content for athletic or muscular builds. Now, anyone that knows me knows that my legs are quite muscular (OK except for my inner thighs). For instance, when I went to go get calipered to find my body fat percentage, the calipers couldn't even grab onto anything on my outer thighs because they were all muscle, no fat. That said, I will use the BMI as a reference (as with everything else), but I know I'm never going to get in the non-obese or non-overweight category, because becoming a BMI of 29.9 means I'd have to lose 100 lbs, and with my big bones and muscles, that's not reasonable or desireable. So, my goal is a BMI of 35ish. That represents a 50 lb weight loss from where I am today: which'll put me at around 190 lbs. Who knows, this may change as I get closer to the goal and can better assess my body and weight, but this is where I'm setting my goal at this point.

Another thing, I was thinking about what spurred me to start jogging. It was a combination of different things. My boyfriend's mom had lost around 20 lbs under doctors orders, and that got me thnking about all the excuses I gave to myself and others for not being able to lose weight. Also, I was plateuing on WW, going up and down 2-3 lbs every couple of weeks and felt I had done as much as I could do eating-wise to positively affect my weight loss. I was also tired of talking myself down after passing the pond every day after work and not stopping to walk for various excuses. And not walking around the block after I got home again, for various excuses. And my WW buddy and I started a competition between ourselves to see who could earn the most activity points in one week (each point is roughly equivalent to 15 minutes of low-impact activity). Basically, I was tired enough of continuing doing things the way I was doing them, and motivated enough to do something about it.

So, I'm enjoying jogging. I like doing it at night because it's more of a private experience - not people watching or judging my body type or the speed with which I jog. I like jogging around my block because I don't have to cross any streets and worry about being run over. I know I'll probably get sick of it in a week or so, and I'll revisit my options then, but I'm really enjoying this. I cannot wait til my Power Core Rhythms DVDs come in -- these are the latin dancing workout DVDs I was telling you about in a previous post. I'll let you know how they go, but I sure am looking forward to them!

My Boobs...

2006-11-26T10:28:00.000-05:00

...I think they are a-shrinkin'. Thank goodness!

In other news, yesterday I went out and bought:
(1) sneakers
(2) 1 fleece pants, and one windbreaker pants
(3) 1 fleece jacket and one fleece vest

Total cost? $250. YOINKS! This was at a New Balance store, and I was in bad need of exercise clothes so I didn't have to wear my pajama bottoms and 10-year old t-shirts to go out jogging. It's weird becoming 'active' and realizing how pervasive being non-active is in my clothing. It was sad I had not one pair of pants to jog in. I can't quite do shorts yet because my thighs make them ride up (but not for long!). SO, this was a helluva lot of money to spend, but I think it's a worthwhile investment if it clothes me so that I can continue to be active.

Next mission: find a sports bra that'll hold my suckers in and not let them bounce. Because wearing two Spalding sports bras to go jogging everytime sucks. Any suggestions?

Jogging's Good...

2006-11-25T19:18:00.000-05:00

I've done some sort of aerobic excercise for eight out of the past nine days (since starting jogging for the first time two Friday's ago). I have to say, it's not fun, but it's something I am motivated to do, and feel good doing. It's a mini-challenge I take every day, and it feels great not only completing it, but knowing I can do it, and earning activity points on top of it. And shrinking my body to a more healthy mass. THAT'S motivating.

One thing I won't do again is my kathy smith cardio kickboxing workout. Totally unfun, and made my butt ache the whole day. I guess that means it was working, but man, was that dull as dirt! I told Taunia about a new work out craze I had found and thought interesting - the latin dancing one...I just placed an order and will get it in a week or so...THAT will be fun - and it'll be ab work which is a lot of what I need.

Here's lookin'!

Jogging's Alright...

2006-11-20T21:45:00.000-05:00

...I actually felt motivated to jog today! I was toggling back and forth, and decided when I got home to postpone it so I could chill on the couch and watch TV. Thank goodness there was nothing good on TV. After eating a "dinch" (dinner-lunch) and watching TV for a couple hours, it was 6pm, and I decided to jog anyway - why not? So I jogged for twenty minutes and felt great. Well, it was butt ass cold out, and I was gasping for air, and I only jogged 5 laps and 20 minutes vs 7 laps and 30 minutes, but it felt great to be active.

It amazed me how much my mind got in the way of jogging. Like thinking about it all day and deciding not to do it , psyching myself out, then deciding to do it. Then thinking I couldn't jog three of the four sides of the block and wanting to walk more...it was amazing how much my mind jumped in, and how much effort it took for me to empty my mind and just focus on the steps in front of me. More times than not, when I did things this way, I got farther than if I listened to my overactive mind.

So, that means I've been jogging three times now this week! Friday, Sunday, and today. And it felt so rewarding to be able to claim 4 activity points from a quick 20 minute activity. Knowing it's also good for my health, lowering my risk of heart disease, lowering my bmi and other indicator numbers...feels great! I am going to keep optimistic about keeping it up, and am looking forward to this week's weigh in. I'm either gonna gain "healthy" weight from the muscle I'm building up from jogging, or I'll lose (I hope) a butt ton of weight, since not only is this the first week I'm doing more intensive exercise, but it's also the first week I haven't used any of my 35 flex points (I've used almost all of them up the past couple weeks).

Here's to hopin!

Week 10 Results: Holding Steady

2006-11-19T20:06:00.000-05:00

So, no weight lost or gained this past week, which is a good thing considering I was unhealthy the first half, and healthy the second half. It was justabout what I expected, but it doesn't quite feel like progress staying steady even though I know it is.

Better news? I am feeling SO good about myself this week. I went JOGGING Friday and then again tonight. Now, I know this doesn't sound like a big deal, and I know I only jogged around the block seven times, but this is from a girl who hasn't jogged in four years, since 2002 when I was living in Charlotte, NC and was on the Charlotte women's rugby team and we had to jog and do other merry things. That lasted only two or three months for me (I was only there for six months before I moved). Before that, it had been another four years since I was part of my college's women's rugby team.

Another reason why I'm psyched about this is because this is the first time I'm jogging for MYSELF as opposed to an obligation of being a part of a team. I don't want to get ahead of myself because I tend to do that, but I'm hoping this is putting me in a positive direction. It took me a year to get to this point in time where I worked up the resolve and cut out my whining to be active. You wouldn't think it would be so hard! But hey, anytime someone's trying to change a habit theyve had for over a decade, it's not a walk in the park.

So yay! And I hope to keep up with this - I've been trying to take this at a slow pace so that I can keep up with it, so I don't know if I'm going to jog tomorrow or just do it Tuesday.

And not to be gross, but my thighs and my upper arms, the two notorious jiggly wiggly parts, are getting ever so slightly firmer. Yay!

Week 9 Results: -2.4

2006-11-09T06:50:00.000-05:00

I need to get a tracker on my site like Taunia so keeping track is easier! I went down 2.4 this week which was GREAT considering I gained a little over three lbs over the past two weeks. I was feeling pretty frustrated and out-of-control, and was not looking forward to weigh-in last night. Although I lost the weight, I have to honestly say I didn't focus too hard on eating healthily or being active, so it feels like a false win, you know? However, if I look at my weight loss in the bigger picture, I've lost 7.6 lbs over the span of 9 weeks, which is roughly 0.8 lbs per week which is considered a healthy rate of weight loss. All these big numbers up and down were my body adjusting to losing weight, and it did so healthily. I can't complain.

Another cool thing - I checked my BMI and it went down from BMI 41.5 ->40.2. A small change, but it's pretty cool to see that just a few pounds changes other health indicators in addition to my weight. Gives me something else to focus on and be proud about.

Anyway, reading this over, I know I'm focused on the weight, and that's really because it is the WW focus with the weigh-in's, but that word really represents my struggle to eat healthily and be active each week. It's just easier this way. Although it would be interesting to see what would happen if I focused my observations on my eating and activity - if that would influence change differently...hmmm...guinea pig commence!

day of reckoning nears

2006-11-07T18:51:00.000-05:00

tomorrow's the day. I don't think I've had a good week. I need to approach this coming week as I did my first - with enthusiasm and dedication. I'm going to lean a lot on Taunia to keep my butt in gear. It's so weird to want something so much but to not work towards it constantly. Well, I guess like with anything, I am working towards it constantly, but am not always making progress. Gotta keep telling myself, it took me 28 years to develop my current lifestyle...it's going to take a lot more than two months to make solid, constant change.

wow, seriously?!!

2006-10-31T21:27:00.000-05:00

OK, this week has been bad. BAAAAAAAD. I ate 7 peanut butter cups and two butterfingers yesterday, and probably the same number of peanut butter cups, kitkats, butterfingers, and skittles today. Plus, half a bag of spicy doritos. Good god I feel like I want to crap out of my mouth. Either I'm bulking up for a cold-ass winter, or my "Aunt Flo" is coming en force pretty damn soon. Either way, weigh in tomorrow is gonna have to be sans clothes.

(the real) Week 7 Results: +1.8lbs

2006-10-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

OK, so apparently I'm miscounting my weeks. This is week 7, and this week, I went up 1.8 lbs. I'm not surprised - I did a lot of eating out - four days in a row fir dinners to be exact. I gotta get better about being able to be social without overstuffing myself.

Doh. Weight. Sucks. Wish I had a flabuum cleaner to suck off the flab. suckay suckay!

Week 7 Results: -3.8!!

2006-10-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

I'm down to 241.8! My goal this next week is to hopefully get to 240 even. OR, even better, 239.9. That would make me happy, just to break the 230's. I haven't been 230 since 2001 when I was living in Ohio, and that was using diet pills.

Well, a bigger goal would be to make making better decisions a priority so that I don't have to think about it making better decisions as much and I can let a larger part of my mind go on to other things. It's not exactly fun thinking about food and planning about food 20-30 times a day every day.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, and please, "ride my ass" this week - I really want this, and I accept any constructive pushing, challenging, encouraging, or whatever to help me keep the flame under my hiney.

Week 6 Weigh In Results: +2.6

2006-10-11T19:29:00.000-04:00

What a week...it was a long weekend, and I got sick Sunday and am still feeling it today on Wednesday. I ate over my points every day, and blasted through my weekly flex points in the first three days.

It's just been frustrating, and I'm a little tired about thinking about food and points and fitness. On the other hand, I'm frustrated that I'm frustrated after only a month of joining. I know there's a back and forth struggle, and that I'm in the throes of it, but I just don't like how it feels to be on the lower end of it.

The good thing? I have a great support network. Taunia's a great motivator and constant reminder of "staying in the game", and Brian and my brother are great sideline supporters - there when I need them to be, but not too involved. So, onward and upward!

Hoyyyyyyy

2006-10-05T22:27:00.000-04:00

What a busy day today! I know I'm getting old when the weight doesn't come off as easily, and I get excited over fashionable shoes that are designed for comfort. HAH! Check 'em out: www.dansko.com. Expensive as hell, but apparently worth it. They've got an outlet online. Apparently the sizes run smalll fyi, but they've got a store in Boston.

Anyway, what the hell is this, the shoe blog?! :)

No, it's the aging blog. And the feeling lazy blog. And the kick the weight off my ass blog. And the give me 1 point turkey meatballs blog.

OK I am seriously digressing and I should probably just end it here. These last couple have days have been crazy hectic and I haven't found the energy to shop when I had the time, and hadn't found the time to shop when I had the energy. Hence, lots of buying of lunch and eating to please myself more than eating healthy. I did have a chocolate chip tollhouse cookie bar today that was GODDAMN GOOD! And those pumkin muffins two nights ago, those were GOODDAMN GOOD! Maybe this is the goodamn good blog!

ANYWAY, tomorrow's mission: Shop. And Walk. In that order. Goodnite from the shop and walk blog.

A thought

2006-10-04T22:27:00.000-04:00

haha, not just one thought, OK!

I just have to say, I would LOOOOOOVE if getting to a healthy lifestyle didn't take so much of my brain. I mean, seriously, figuring out healthy things to eat is the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about when I go to bed. It's sort of like having to think about how to sit EVERY time before I can. What angle to stick my butt out at. How far down I squat before I lean back. How much weight I am putting on each foot, do I do anything with my hands, do I look behind me, are my feet close together or fall apart. Next to each other or skewed. Well, whatever, you get my point. Having to consciously think about the entire process of doing something that you usually do on auto pilot is just draining. draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiining. Drain drain go away, suck me down and drain away.

Week 5 Weigh In Results: -2.8 lbs

2006-10-04T21:21:00.000-04:00

So yay, I lost 2.8 pounds this past week, putting me at 242.8 - my lowest weight yet on WW (and my lowest weight in over four years)! Before the summer, I lasted 13 weeks on WW, and at the end, I was at 247. In week 5, I was at 248. So, I'm feeling great this time around not only because I've been more successful, but because I definitely feel a difference in my eating habits now compared to last time I tried WW.

I don't like being so busy because I think that's what bunged up these last two days. I didn't plan meals, and I didn't grocery shop. I ran out of all the great stuff I bought last week (how'd it go so fast?!!), so I'm trying to figure out new shopping and preparation patterns. But hey, I'm still making progress, and I know that if I do plan, I'm satisfied with my meals, and it's very easy to stay within my points.

So Taunia and I had a great Chinese cheat dinner tonite. I went a bit over my available points. I think I had 25 left. I ate around 40. OOPS!! But, I'm going to get back on the bandwagon starting tomorrow, because it feels TOO DAMN GOOD to be at my lightest in probably at least FOUR YEARS!! I realized this just now, and even tho it's my lightest by only a pound or so (last time on WW I got to 243 before jumping back up to 247), it's still my lightest - in such a long goddamn time! yay!

Oops

2006-10-02T21:53:00.000-04:00

Well, I kinda blew my streak in terms of not using any flex points (extra weekly points) this week. I had seven tonite. And I didn't do any activity today. Boo!

I knew it all day too...it was just so busy, I was working from 3-9pm, and I had a doctors appt in the morning, then drove an hour each to and from to have lunch w/ Brian.

Oog. It was swimming around my head all day, but what it came down to, was that I craved sweets, so I had Cocoa puffs. Then I ate some cheese puffs. OK, a lot of cheese puffs :) and they were good!

I'm bummed because I broke my four day streak, but I'm not too bummed because I know that if I had eaten 7 over last night, it wouldn't have been a problem because of the activity points. So, to me, it all evens out, it's just that activity points only count for the specific day they're gotten.

Cheers! I'm going out to a friend's house for dinner tomorrow, so I'm hoping I'll be able to hang tight. Here's to hoping!

Great Weekend!

2006-10-01T22:34:00.000-04:00

I suppose the title says it all, but I feel it's been a nice couple of days - I had unexpected plans but made reasonable choices. I am most proud of my level of activity and my initiative in being and keeping active.

FRIDAY: 4 ACTIVITY POINTS
I wrote about it already, but I was so excited to break the cycle by stopping at the pond on my way home to walk it. I learned I need to bring my sneakers, because work shoes stink for long, brisk walks; but I did it instead of reasoning my way out. I felt great afterwards both physically, and mentally - because I (finally) broke this barrier (a barrier, I might add, that psyched me out all last year as well).

I also did grocery shopping later that night, which I counted as 1 activity point. While I don't count points for minor things like walking to and from my car at work/home, I do count the other activities (like grocery shopping) where it is out of my daily routine. Might as well be rewarded for being active!

SATURDAY: 3 ACTIVITY POINTS
Today was great for several reasons. First (not related to WW), Brian and I took my grandmother out for lunch. She had a stroke three years ago and lives in a nursing home. She eats pureed food and sleeps for the bulk of each day. My parents and I took her out last week for her birthday, and I thought it would be nice to take her out while the weather's still nice. Traditional Chinese food is healthy, and that's what we had. Tripe, salty soybean soup, Chinese squash, vegetarian goose, and my favorite, a hot pot of vegetable broth, rice noodles, napa, tofu, and pork. It was a 15.5 point meal for me, and worth every bite. We found quite a few little bugs in the soup after we had all had a bowl, so that, of course, impacted how much we ate.

After this lunch, Brian and I were feeling a bit nauseus, mostly because of discovering the bugs, so we stopped at Fanueil Hall on the way home, and got some delish sushi and green bubble tea (SOOOO good there), then 5 mini cookies each to top it off. Very fulfilling. 7 points.

Then came dinner: we went out with another couple to TGI Fridays. This is my other great moment. Before dinner, I only had 5 points left. I knew this would not be enough for dinner. So I did two things: (1) I went for a brisk 35 minute walk before we left to get some activity points, and (2) I went online to check out the TGIF menu, picked a dish, and calculated its points. I ordered the Jack Daniels chicken which comes with green beans and mashed potatos. I figured that 1 chicken breast (2.5 oz) and half the mashed potatos (3/4 cup) was only 5.5 points, so I treated myself to homemade pumpkin pie when I got back home (2 points for 1/16 slice). Fabu.

SUNDAY: 15 ACTIVITY POINTS!!!
Today was the monster of all activity points! And I wasn't even trying...first, Brian asked if I wanted to go for a walk this morning. This was great, because I was telling him how great I felt Friday after walking and he said he really wanted to be more active. SO, we went on a brisk 45 minute walk - and even jogged for a tiny bit of it! 3.5 activity points. I had had the rest of my TGIF leftovers before this. When we got back, I chilled for a bit, then decided that I wanted to put our entertainment center together and clean up the living room.

So I had a little lunch (rotini, marinara, and these GREAT turkey meatballs from Trader Joe's that are 1pt each and massive!) which was only 4.5 points, then worked on cleaning and assembling and moving the entertainment center and everything in it. One hour, 3.5 activity points. Then, I started re-arranging the rest of the stuff in the living room. After we consolidated stuff, Bri helped me move the extra bookshelves downstairs, then I moved the filing cabinets and speakers (six of them which are all 5-5.5ft tall and heavy as ass) to look nice. Another hour, 3.5 activity points.

I was hungry at this point, and CRAVING chocolate. We didn't have any in the house (thank god), but we did have a "Chocolate Orgasm" brownie from Rosie's bakery, which is a very fudgy and deadly delicious brownie. I knew the points would be crazy. Based on similar brownies, I estimated it would be about 15 points. I cut the brownie in thirds, and had a little less than half of one, which only came out to 2 points, so I felt great!

Brian left to go to rehearsal (he's in a band), and I was just sitting around watching TV. I decided that since I had 15 points left, and had 10.5 more activity points to play with, I was going to splurge for dinner. I decided to have a pork chop, red potatos with butter, and green beans. Half a pork chop, four small red potatos, 1 tbsp of low fat butter spread, and green beans still only came out to 9 points!

After 20 minutes or so, it was 7pm and I was feeling restless. So, I decided to do the laundry because I didn't want to have to do it tomorrow since I reserved it for doing work (even tho we have the day off from school). SO, I loaded up three heaping baskets of stinky clothes into the car and did laundry for two hours. I only counted the 1hr 20min that I was actually moving around and folding clothes, but that still came out to 4.5 activity points!

SO, by this time, I still had 4.5 ponts left to use. Bri and I went to CVS to get some random things, and I decided my second splurge of the night was going to be on chocolate: I got a twix. Two twix bars and a 1/2 cup skim milk later, I was down 8 points, and had only used 3.5 of my 15 activity points.

What a great weekend!

Breakin' the Cycle

2006-09-29T16:51:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I did it! Instead of passing by the gorgeous pond on the way home, telling myself I'll come back out later, I stopped and walked! It was a great, brisk, 35 minute walk around the pond, and I sat on the bench and watched the sky for 20 minute aftewards. The most peaceful hour I've spent! And I earned 2 points for it (why is it only 2 points! I so badly want it to be more :)

Regardless of points earned, I feel great, my body is humming, I feel calm and happy, and pleasantly hungry. I'm going to make myself some whole wheat pasta with marinara sauce. More low points, and I have 11.5 points left with 3 activity points to boot!

So thank you to Taunia and my S.O. for taking my calls to psyche myself up. Totally helped.

AAAAAND, Taunia, I stayed within my points yesterday! I was actually under (not a good thing), but by only 3 pts. Today, I am confident I'll be staying within my points, so I'm very happy! I'd have even more points left if I didn't splurge for the White Chocolate Mocha at Starbucks on my walk at work - BUT, I got a Tall, skim milk, no whipped cream White Chocolate Mocha - 6 points vs. 10 with all the other stuff on it. Not the best choice, but the best for the splurge.

perhaps Chatilla's this weekend... ;)

Hi-Lo, Yum-Yum Out

2006-09-28T19:49:00.001-04:00

So today is a series of ups and downs...

up: my breakfast(s) were only 3.5 points and I ate them over the span of two hours.
Down: I was a bit hungry, and the oatmeal I started out with lost its luster because it was not filling. I think I need my grits.

Up: went out for Mexican for lunch and it was 16 points which was OK because my breakfast was so little.
Down: feeling guilty because it's the second time I've gone out in two days

Up: lunch was so big that I am still not hungry, now at 8pm (where I usually have to eat every two hours), so I guess that even though it was a lot of points, it went a long way.
Down: I was full and tired, and talked myself out of stopping for a walk at the pond on the way home. I have always done this with the pond - say I'll come back out, and then not do it. I know I need to stop on my way home or it's not going to get done. Perhaps a goal to address in the upcoming week. Also, I came home, ate a 100-calorie dorito pack (even though I was still stuffed), and took a 1.5 hour nap. No real activity points today, I wasted my opportunity.

Up: I'm leisurely thinking about dinner and healthy choices to make for dinner since I'm not starving
Down: my b/f wants take out Chinese tonite. DEADLY! And my third time eating out in two days. Seems excessive. I'm aiming for the chicken and string beans instead of the double cooked pork because of the lighter sauce, less oil, and more veggies. I'm thinking (hoping) that will not put me over my remaining 8 points.

And Taunia - I accept and appreciate your challenge! My plan for breakfast tomorrow is grits with garlic and 1/2 cup ground turkey. Grits (3tbsp) = 1.5 pt; ground turkey (2oz) = 2pt; and maybe 1tbsp butter spread = 1pt. 4.5 pts total.

Lunch is my chicken pasta leftover from two nights ago (6 points - 1/2 serving). Total bfast & lunch = 10.5. Total left for dinner: 17.5pts. niiiiiice. It feels good to have a plan, so thank you again for the challenge!

Slow and Steady...

2006-09-27T22:07:00.000-04:00

Today I didn't lose any weight, or as I like to think of it, I maintained my weight from last week. I'm OK with this, because good lord, I lost 4lbs the week before.

My goal for this week? EAT WITHIN MY POINTS. I am going to challenge myself to NOT eat any of my flex points, like Taunia, because with good planning, there's no reason to resort to them. SO y'all, help me out, keep me accountable, kick my butt.

Tonite was a great cheat nite...I ate reasonable portions of lots of different things. The two things I could have done better were to eat LESS overall, and to have slowed down, especially with the appetizers, because I was wolfing those suckers down. I guess the other thing I would have done was to not eat so much of the cake at the end. I was just on auto pilot, and after a snafu of mistaking mayonnaise for butter (ooog, my stomach is still churning), I was eating the cake to settle my stomach and cleanse my taste buds.

Great company, great food, decent week. I'm looking forward to the week ahead, and I'm excited because this will be a month now that I've been doing weight watchers, and I'm still very motivated. Having great people around me to help each other thru this is definitely making a big difference.

S'Alright

2006-09-26T21:19:00.000-04:00

Today...was s'alright. My biggest achievement? Not buying anything at the deli we usually walk to during lunch. It has fabulous foods - like mango chicken salad, and mozarella-prosciutto-basil-tomato sandwich. YUM! But, I resisted.

Food-wise, things went well. I didn't have to think too much about my food because I prepared. I had the second half of the above-said sandwich (leftovers from yesterday), a fit & lite yogurt (1pt!), and garlic-ginger-honey chicken for breakfast/lunch. I wolfed down the 100-calorie dorito pack and half the 100-calorie fudge stripe pack around 5pm because I was famished, then had 3 rolls of sushi (OK, not the best, but soooo good). I probably would have been OK with 2 rolls, but at least I know that for next time.

Now it's 9:15, and I'm full and happy and just tired enough to unwind and snuggle into bed. Today's a great day. Hope yours was wonderful too!

Crockpots Rock, part 2

2006-09-25T21:16:00.000-04:00

Meal just cooked: Ginger garlic honey chicken - cooked together w/ soy sauce and sherry. Not bad if I do say so myself...it's a bit sweeter than I had anticipated, but good nonetheless.

Taunia's fridge inspired me and I went to Trader Joe's today - got a bunch of yummy stuff. Organic chicken breasts, organic french cut green beans, shao mai dumplings, low-cal salsa and chips, ginger (for da crockpot), whole wheat pasta, organic marinara sauce...don't know what else, but all this is yummy so far.

I've been noticing that I'm eating an ave of 33 pts a day - there was only one day this past week where I stayed within my points. I'm glad I had lots of activity points to offset it, but I don't want to depend on them - I have to learn to eat within my points. Mostly it's just planning correctly, because when I don't, I take whatever I can find, and lets face it - not too many healthy choices out there unless you're lookin' for them.

Good thing for today? Got weighed @ the doctor and was 245.5 - 1.1 lb less than last week! Of course I was nekkid...

Damn the Busy Weekend

2006-09-24T21:41:00.000-04:00

Like Taunia, this weekend was a little rough for me. I was feeling great because I had prepared for the trip to Albany with a box of hand-selected 100-calorie treats to stave my hunger. We left in a rush, so I didn't get to eat a real meal, so I ate two 100-calorie snacks right after each other before we were able to find a rest stop. My 'healthy' choice was a BLT from d'angelos, which makes LOUSY subs! Rest Stop d'Angelos anyway. At least 10-11 points and I was still hungry after! I felt like I had a lot of high-point stuff but I was hungry all day, that's really weird! We got to my boyfriend's parent's place, and they made hamburgers and green beans, so I had some.

Interesting fact: my weight fluctuates +/- 5lbs when I eat. I weighed myself right after I ate, and I was 250-ish. I weighed myself later that night after walking 3 hours at the mall, and was 249. I peed and was 248. I slept and weighed myself the next morning and I was 246. So, I'm trying not to psyche myself up or out too much over losing 4 lbs last week, because I'm sure most of it was due to my extremely empty stomach and bladder. Which means I will probably go up this week, which is fine because as long as I go down overall, it's good. I shouldn't have put too much weight (ha ha) on how much I lost because I know it's unrealistic and somewhat of a fluke to have lost so much in one week. Not to mention unhealthy.

Anyhoo, I made the best choices I could this weekend: Saturday while walking around the mall, I got a fat-free vanilla frozen yogurt with fruit (no sugar added) from Haagan Daz. I ate a little buttered popcorn when we got back (1.25 cups). Sunday, we helped my boyfriend's brother move. 3 hours pretty laid back. Had 2 everything bagels (yikes!) and 1/2 cup mushroom soup (sooooo good!). We stopped at Panera on the way home and I had a lemon artichoke chicken panini (why are these specials never as good as they look in the advertisements!) and hot green tea.

I guess overall my choices were as good as I could make them - I didn't have any candy or go wild on chips...still, just frustrated that I didn't make the best choices possible, and sad that my weight loss last week was moreso because I wasn't filled with pee or food than actual weight loss, but I'm OK. I'm feeling great about my choices, and I'm liking the feeling of eating healthy, and happy about my activity level so far.

Week 2 Results: Down 4lbs!!!

2006-09-20T21:09:00.000-04:00

Hey! Today was a great day, because I found out I lost 4lbs! I am now at 245.6. This achievement feels FABULOUS. I am just so excited because although I made some pretty bad choices the first three days last week, I tried really hard to change not only eating habits, but activity-level habits the last four days and have been feeling positive about those changes. This change on the scale is motivating me to continue doing what I'm doing.

The other great thing: tonite was "Cheat Nite" and we all made great choices - and were all surprised by how little we actually ended up eating. Our "splurges" were not gigungously huge by any means - Taunia had a buffalo chicken salad and french onion soup, and I had a shrimp pizza w/ goat cheese (yuuuummmmmy) and steakburger with fries. I finished the whole pizza (single serving thin crust) but only had about 1/3 the burger and fries because I was so full. And it felt great! I felt great about my choice of foods and I did not walk away from that dinner with any feelings of guilt: Mission Accomplished.

The only thing I'd improve upon for today is PLANNING. I know I need to do it, but that's proving a slow change to make. I only had a small yogurt for breakfast, and 1 cup vegetable soup for lunch. I then had two-100calorie sun chip packages in the afternoon topped with a weight watchers smores bar before dinner. Not a healthy combination, and I was SOOOOOOOO hungry the whole day, so I'm hoping to be better prepared tomorrow. Ideally that means not setting my alarm incorrectly and waking up late :)

Crock Pots and 100 Calorie Snacks Rock

2006-09-19T21:02:00.000-04:00

Seriously. I have never used a crock pot before two months ago. We got one from my boyfriend's parents, and I was thinking "what the hell are we (I) going to do with this contraption?!). Enter garlic lime chicken. Enter lazy cooking. Enter immediate gratification upon coming home hungry. Don't know how I missed out on this one before.

Aaaaanyway, Taunia and I went shopping for healthy snacks. Well, ok, "healthier" snacks. I bought a whole bunch of 100 calorie snacks which amused me because I was such a snob against them for the longest time ("who in their right mind would pay more money for other people to segment out their food? Lame!") I stand partially corrected. I appreciate them right now because they get me to eat healthier portions quickly. Do I want to buy these for the rest of my life? Not really. I want to make sure I wean myself off of them so I don't break the bank trying to keep from breaking my seat. Case in point, instead of buying a big package of pre-cut fruit, I bought strawberries, grapes, a canteloupe, and a honeydew to make what would have cost me twice the amount to buy pre-done. Wish me luck on cutting these damn things. I can't remember the last time I ever bought a melon...it's got to have been at least four years ago.

Activity-wise, I've done well today. I went on my typical 15 minute walk during work. Later in the afternoon, Taunia and I went shopping. Then, when I got home, I went out grocery shopping to get meats and other staples. I found some Dannon fit and light yogurt---I'm going to give them a try. All in all, 45 minutes of walking, and it wasn't painful because I wasn't focused on the activity itself. That's the way (uh-huh uh-huh) I like it.

All in all, a good day. I weighed myself at Taunia's today and saw 248.4 which is 1.2 less than last week, so I'm excited, but tomorrow is the real test - WW weigh-in!

Bok Choi

2006-09-18T21:53:00.000-04:00

Dang I love me some Bok Choi. And I needed to get back on track in terms of veggie intake - a perfect partnership. I had two cups of bok choi for my two dinners: 5pm and 9:30pm. I threw in some american veggies in the later dinner to jazz things up a bit.

Today was a great day in terms of eating. OK, not great, but really good. I started out a little shaky - had a bowl of grits, but I waited a while before eating, and lemme tell you, it does not taste that great luke-warm. Luke-warm and bland. Luckily, I had some cajun spice-covered turkey slices (Whole Foods in-house oven roasted turkey breast - great b/c it doesn't have the slimy coataing). I threw in some turkey slices and that made the grits yummy(er).

Lunch was great. I had bought pre-cut fruit, and fat free greek yogurt. I mixed the two, and had that, and some more turkey breast meat for lunch. It was great, and filling without stuffing me.

Dinner was bok choi and some pickings off vietnamese take out (1/2 summer roll, a bite of beef teriaki).

So it was a healthy day. I boiled up some whole wheat pasta for tomorrow and will eat that with the rest of the veggies, but I'm kinda wishing I had more fruit to munch on!

Fitness-wise, I decided to aim for doing 30 minutes of activity a day for the majority of the days this week. It shouldn't be too hard considering I walk 15 minutes every day for my 30 minute lunch. I danced for half an hour at home around 7pm tonite, and it was fun, but I'd prefer to be outside. Or to just have more space to move around.

But things are shaping up. yay!

More Active Weekend

2006-09-17T20:42:00.000-04:00

This weekend has been good in terms of activity, and I've been eating much less of the weekly "flex points" (which is good because I have used roughly 120 points over). I'm realizing how in the two quick months since I stopped WW, my old habits have crept back up fairly quickly. 120 points over is about 24 points a day, which, I suppose, if I were doing Flex, would be in the range of target daily consumption. But I'm not doing Flex. Haha.

This week is somewhat of a transition as I get out the foods I've been eating, and get in the foods I should be eating. I'm amazed at how few veggies I've been eating this week considering I'm usually a veggie fiend. However frustrated I am that I haven't had a better start, I am happy that I am at least progressing in the right direction.

Things I'm proud of thus far: I've been eating less and less flex points each day (for the most part):
Wed: 57
Thurs: 36.5
Fri: 36
Sat: 41
Sun: 14

At the same time, my activity points have been going up (again, for the most part):
Wed: 1
Thurs: 1
Fri: 1
Sat: 14
Sun: 9.5

I went grocery shopping this weekend and bought good, healthy stuff, so I'm looking forward to this next week.

Ms. Taunia - I saw your WW tracking - good stuff! You've been getting in great meals. Don't forget to add in the activity points since I'm assuming you've been walking Julip this weekend. I like Wes' challenge!

Bumpy Day

2006-09-14T21:58:00.000-04:00

Hmmm...it's been a bumpy day health-wise. I didn't dance like I was aiming to do...it's a habit with me - I psyche myself up the night before and I psyche myself out the day of. Hmmm...

I think I figured out that I can't eat my Chinese leftovers. I was hungry before, during, and after I ate, and it made me crave the brownie, popcorn, and second serving of leftovers.

So it's OK, but I can't keep telling myself that my mistakes are OK if I keep doing them. Looking forward to tomorrow.

WW Week 2 - First "Cheat Dinner"

2006-09-13T21:36:00.000-04:00

So I gained 2/10 of a pound this past week. I'm not stressing it. Considering I ate unhealthily the last couple of days, and considering I ate right before going to the meeting tonite because I (unintentionally) skipped lunch, and considering the weight could be from any of a number of factors, I'm not stressing it.

What I am stressing about is the "cheat dinner" - where we just eat whatever and however much we want the night of our meeting. Well, I don't know if "stressing" is the right word, but "not happy with the outcome" is more the phrase I'm looking for. I "cheated" with 5 crab rangoons, 4 pieces of orange chicken, a cup of veggie fried rice, and a cup of double cooked pork. Not a heck of a lot of food, but guess what? I found out that it was 57 points (the crab rangoons accounted for almost half - 23 points). Waaaaaaaaay too many points for the amount of food - and it's two hours later and I'm hungry again! I've been thinking of the chocolate brownie I have tucked away in the fridge and how much I want to eat it. I got a cup of water instead. It's doing the trick. For now.

So, I think I realized that cheat nite's not worth it - I still have over half the food left, meaning I'll be munching on it through the week, meaning I'll be eating less food for more points for at least the next two days, meaning I'll be hungrier, meaning I'll eat more of other things, meaning I'll go over points, meaning it'll be a helluva hard time to actually lose any weight. I'll be punishing myself the whole week for one nite of cheating. At this rate, I won't lose any weight.

I think I'm going to think of "cheat nite" as "treat nite" - meaning I am going to treat myself to a week of delicious and healthy leftovers by ordering something delicious and low in points. I'll probably splurge on one item - maybe an appetizer or dessert - which won't put me into the hole so far. That way, I'll feel good about it the whole week. Right now, I'm resenting having to (ok I don't "have" to, but I am feeling very opposed to wasting the food) eat the rest of the Chinese food because it's going to throw me off for the week. I want to feel happy and "treated" to eat my leftovers for the rest of the week. And I want it to help me get to my goal, not keep me where I am or push me in the other direction.

I also learned that I need to be more active. I walk 15 minutes a day with a co-worker at lunch, and that equates to 1 activity point. If I'm going to treat myself food-wise, I've got to treat myself activity-wise by being more active so the food treat doesn't impact the week as heavily. I've always enjoyed dancing - I'll go to clubs and dance for 2-3 hours straight. I think I may have a 'personal dance party' at home the days I'm not busy right after work (Wed-Fri) and dance for 15-60 min depending on my mood. This never feels like "exercise" - just expressing myself creatively.

YESTERDAY

2006-09-12T23:08:00.000-04:00

3.5 hours of laundry...about 12 loads...that's gotta count for keeping active, eh? 1 hour moving stuff the day before, 2 hours dancing the night before that at a wedding, and an hour walking around a casino the night before that. I've had an active couple of days, so I'm feeling good.

I've been eating healthily in terms of meals, but have been having unhealthy snacks, partially due to stress, partially due to "that time of the month", and partially due to whatever else. I finished a pint of ice cream in a week (Ben & Jerry's Caramel Core) but mostly in the last two days. Salt & Pepper chips to keep me company with all my driving around. However, I still very much prefer the healthy snack food. I'm working on making that happen more often by just trying to make sure I either cook something in the crock pot overnite to be ready the next day, or cook up the whole wheat pasta or make bean salad as a base for meals the next day...working on more recipes.

One of my friends gave me a lot of clothes that she no longer wore, and that's doubled my wardrobe. I feel attractive going out again because i've got great clothes. She's got great taste!

I have healthy stuff to go for meal tomorrow, so onward and upward! Tomorrow nite is WW nite, then Cheat Dinner! Woo hoo!

cyn

Hmm and bigger blip

2006-09-07T23:44:00.000-04:00

I slid back towards old comfortable habits today for several reasons:

1) stress
2) convenience

STRESS
I don't need to rehash it all, but I'm under tight deadlines on the work and home front. Doing a lot of driving, lifting, packing, sorting, and working.

CONVENIENCE
I ran out of my healthy food (cooked pasta and veggies). I was in a rush and grabbed the quick and easy - salt and pepper chips. I was on the road and working from 4-9:30, and hadn't eaten that whole time. I also had no water. The only thing I had on me were the chips, which I ate (more than I wanted) on the way home.

The good thing?

Both times I gorged myself, last nite on chocolate and tonite on chips, it wasn't fulfilling. Physiologically, I am responding in a negative manner which definitely doesn't motivate me to grab them again. I will "resort' to them if they're all that's there, but they won't be my first choice. This means, I NEED TO COOK! Get things in order so when I grab for convenience, it can continue to be the good stuff. whoo hoo!

Yay and Blip

2006-09-06T23:00:00.000-04:00

Today was the first WW meeting. I, happily, did not gain all the weight I thought I had. I am 0.1 pound less than what I was when I started WW back in March. I'm happy because this means that even while I was off WW, I continued to make positive, healthy lifestyle choices. We have a great leader, so I'm pumped.

Hit a bit of a blip later in the nite..was out w/ my partner in crime to Tar-jay gettin' some stuff. Got a call. My parents had moved a year ago and just sold the house this past month. It was to be closed the beginning of October. So, I have one month to clear out the rest of the stuff that was left behind (we had to keep some rooms set up so the house looked 'lived in'...helped with showing the house). Well, turns out the call was from the realtor, saying that the closing was moved up a month, and that everything had to be out my Friday morning. That's the day after tomorrow. We negotiated that I could leave some stuff there to pick up Sunday as long as it was all in one place, but the 'cleaner-movers' are coming in Friday morning to clear out whatever I don't tomorrow. Holy Yikes! It's a bigger deal than typical because there's furniture I'd like to keep in the family or among friends, and just a lot of crap to go through and figure out. I don't like rushing. Plus, I'm going to a wedding this weekend.

BUT, thank goodness for great friends. Mine calmed me down, and may even take some of the furniture. I called around and found some other friends who would also be interested, so I'm feeling better about the whole thing.

Anyway, this circles back to food. I had to eat and eat out after that. Went to On The Border. Ate a bowl of chips and salsa (yay carbs), had a virgin strawberry daquari, and some gobby mess of cheese, onions, chicken, steak, beans and rice. I only finished maybe 1/4 of the dish, so that's cool. I ate a butt load of chips but am hoping the salsa even'd out the chips. The daquari...what can I say. I think it was still an OK choice because I needed it mentally to unwind the stress. I have been very healthy in the past three days so I am feeling OK with this choice, and reminding myself that "what I do next is what matters." I did, you should know, resist purchasing an absolutely delicious M&M and choco chip cookie, and crumbly amazing coffee cake muffin even after pulling out my wallet and fishing for money. Thank goodness for places with minimums on credit cards! There was no way I was going to spend $10 on treats! But it felt great - empowering - to say no, stick with it, and come out alive and unscathed. This could be a better trip that previous ones :)

So What's This All About, Anyway?

2006-09-06T00:18:00.000-04:00

If you have not already guessed, I am (re) joining Weight Watchers. First meeting is tomorrow. I started earlier this year but stopped in June. Since then, I have gained what looks to be 8 lbs. I am at the heaviest I have been in my life. This, in and of itself, does not bother me as much as the lifestlye impacts it has had: hard to play pick up sports, hard to sleep comfortably, increased heart disease risk, etc., etc., etc. It is basically getting in the way of me living the life I want to lead.

My first priority for joining Weight Watchers is my health. The looks are an ancillary benefit. I am fortunate in that I (try to) minimize the pressure to value myself based solely/primarily on my appearance. I use my personality, my intelligence, and my character. If only the world would come around :)

So, healthwise, my BMI is around 45. I carry my weight well, but I think that has given me the privilege of not taking my unsuccessful attempts at gaining a healthy life style (as opposed to "weight loss" only) seriously enough.

My focus right now, is to get the eating right. Being active is a challenge, and I have something worked out to try, but right now, my focus is to learn how to stop eating when I'm full (I was raised to finish my plate, so I'm used to my portion dictating my hunger).

I am using this blog as a (hopefully) daily account of my journey. It is more for me, not you, which is why it's written in stream-of-consciousness, note-taking fashion. I hope some of you men and women out there who see this, may read it and use it to help you in your struggles, or to be respectful and supportive of the fact that these challenges exist for people around you. Please feel free to leave suggestions of what has worked for you, or share disappointments or setbacks. It IS a lifetime journey, isn't it. I get stronger each time I come back to making a commitment to move to a healthy lifestyle. I can't let my failures dictate my future.

Today's Triumphs

2006-09-05T23:53:00.001-04:00

So, today I picked another affirmation out of my "affirmation jar" - I call him "affy". Today, it again was "What you do next matters". Good moments today:

1) Breakfast. First thought was "hmm...I'll eat the rest of that whole wheat pasta and lean ground turkey w/ spaghetti sauce that I made last night"...it was a great breakfast - actually filling, unlike cereal, eggs and toast.

2) "Second Breakfast" at work - made the bad choice for a cup of coffee, but made a good choice for half an everything bagel w/ cream cheese (vs. whole) - and I only ate half of the half, so that was a quarter of a bagel. It wasn't worth it.

So it's kinda funny...the choices I make to indulge myself have actually been disappointing...the coffee, the bagel, the potato salad yesterday and the boneless wings yesterday. All disappointing. Which is great, because it means I'm not rewarding myself for indulgments (is that a real word??!)

3) I was so hungry after my voice lesson today that I was going to stop at a BK on the 40 minute drive home. I remembered the phrase (it really works when you say it out loud, over and over!), and I stuck out the ride home, and instead of grabbing the salt and pepper chips, I turned to the whole wheat pasta and ground turkey once again.

4) So second dinner (geez, I sound like an eating WHORE here, but I have to do small meals (e.g. 1 cup of food) 6 or so times a day to keep my body properly nourished instead of inundating it with large quantities of food fewer times.) I tried the whole "do what everyone else does because it's normal" 3-times a day, cereal/eggs for breakfast deal, and you know what, it doesn't work for me. It doesn't make sense for me to follow generic stereotypes when I know a different way in which I can be more successful.

ANYHOO, a friend and I went to a vietnamese restaurant, and I ordered chicken chow foon, which was greasy, but otherwise healthy. No heavy, salty sauce. Just chicken, veggies, and noodles. I also had a vietnamese coffee (bad!) but it was sooo good. But again, not as fabulous as I thought it would be. I also only ate half my meal and will be saving the other half for either breakfast or lunch tomorrow.

5) My friend and I went to Whole Foods and bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's Martha Martha Choco (?)...I didn't pig out - I gave myself three spoonfuls, which was just enough.

All in all, a good day. I kept thinking about my next choice. Just once choice at a time, one meal at a time.

More Affirmations and My Strong Moments

2006-09-05T23:53:00.000-04:00

Hey!

I hope you're settling in OK w/ all the new stuff :)

I just talked to my brother for 45 minutes...we don't usually talk so much, but he's always been helpful with helping me. He brought up a lot of things that rang true for me, so I made them into affirmations for myself. I'm adding these to my "affirmations box" and thought I'd pass them along. I hope I'm not inundating you w/ this stuff, I'm just excited to have someone to share it with!

Another thing I wanted to share...my affirmation for today was "the next thing you do is what matters."...It helped me out twice today and I made some good choices:

1. In the grocery store on the way to your house. We were going to get sushi, but there was nothing good. So I was like "whatever, I'll just get pepperoni or something yummy since it's just for a drive", but I changed my mind and got chicken (well...boneless bbq chicken wings), green beans, and red potato salad. The chicken and salad were my "treats" and they were actually my least favorite of the three. I also got sun chips (instead of doritos)...

2. tonite 9:30, I'm hungry! I was just gonna get some salt & pepper chips and some ice cream or crackers since that was quick, but instead, I boiled up some whole wheat pasta, defrosted lean ground turkey, threw in some leftover greenbeans, and had some impromptu spaghetti. Granted I didn't eat til 10pm, as opposed to 9:31, but it was worth the wait as I'm more satisfied. Also, my brother called as I was eating, so I only ate half of what I put in my bowl, and I found that I really was "full" after 20 minutes! I am going to go buy smaller bowls to control my portions...

OK, that's it...sorry I'm so long winded, but I like the idea of being accountable to you, I hope to make this a daily thing but let me know if that's too much on your end - I don't want to inundate you. I was actually thinking of starting an anonymous blog to post this stuff so maybe I'll do that instead of clogging up your inbox...

NEW AFFIRMATIONS
It took me twenty years to learn to eat this way. Change will happen…in time.
I conditioned myself to eat this way. I can condition myself to eat differently.
I conditioned myself to be inactive. I can condition myself to be active.
I conditioned myself to lose motivation. I can condition myself to keep motivated
If I can get a Masters degree, I can learn to live a healthy lifestyle
Diet pills are like singing without learning how. I can fake it, but it won’t last long.

Weight Watchers Affirmations

2006-09-05T23:51:00.000-04:00

Hey!

I just came across these when I was looking at my notes from weight watchers. Hopefully these'll get me motivated this time around. Thought I'd pass them on to you and our group :) Some are from the session; some I made up.

I have an "affirmations" jar where I wrote each one on a piece of paper. Anytime I get weak, I will pick one out.

I'm also typing these out and posting them on my fridge.

I'm also putting a small version of these in my purse to have at work and when I go out to keep me strong away from home.

Maybe we could send our personal affirmations around to each other to help each other out...

AFFIRMATIONS
I need to do this to have the kind of life I want.

I'm not going to beat myself up over one bad choice.

In time, I can be thinner, or still carry all this weight. The time will be the same.

I'm working on being a healthier, happier person. And I like it.

I have conquered these challenges before.

I need to do this to have the kind of life I want.

I deserve to be fit.

I am a rich treasure waiting to be found.

I will not let childhood experience get in the way of exercising.

I am able to handle any problem I face.

What I do next is most important.

I am a winner.

I deserve to reach my goals.

I know I can do it.

I did it once. I can and will do it again.

Remember walking four hours around town "just because"?

Do it. Just because.

Plastic pants, here I come!

My heart will thank me. For a very, very, very long time.

My body will reflect who my mind knows I am.

Dude. It's just chips. Not god. Say no.

How can I be fruity without my fruit?